Okay Blues Man... Treesa's here now so watch out! I have FredGs 2x4 with me too.
Man you are not singing the blues... you are whining them! The others here have been good about pulling your story out of you but you are STILL singing the same tune poor me poor me I love hershe doesn't wnat me never will. Old news TBM... try a new tune.
Bottom line I think - the two of you just didn't WORK at the marriage. You were not babies when you were married... you were about the average age... mid to late 20s. And she's now of the mind as are many out there that if it doesn't work you throw it away and get another one. Consumable marriage. Don't fix the oven, buy a new one. Same deal. Make her see the benefits of fixing the oven Blues.
So... here's my two cents worth... (I even found some real American pennies here!) First of all - you have got to STOP OBSESSING!!!! You are sooooo focussed on her you are NOT living. Are you trying to get her to see your changes? It won't work. Fohgetaboutit! Make the changes because you want to make them for you not for her. Whether your R survives this or not, as someone else has already pointed out the changes you make for you will help you in the next go around or in the new and improved R. Otherwise you WILL screw it up again! Guaranteed!
Second - you are NEVER going to get the "old R" back. and Frankly seeing where you are now... do You WANT the old one?? You need a new R.
Thirdly - what kind of C are you seeing? Is it a pro marriage C or a "I'll help you facilitate your D" type C. Ask now before it's too late. And it's NOT too late.
Be mysterious - I always say - in a wacky kind of way... not in the cliched predictable - I'll get me a new LF kind of way... If you always wear blue shirts...go out and get an orange one. May I suggest you change gyms to NOT be at the same one as her. Do stuff that she doesn't THINK is the Bluesman... Be creative.
Get a hobby.... take the dog on new routes. When she calls and wants to see the dog tell her you'll be "busy" and ask her to suggest another time. Don't jump to her tune!
Re-arrange the furniture, get some flowers on the table for YOU NOT her! Get some new CDS, paint the kitchen do weird stuff around the house you've never done before and never never let her see you sweat.
Keep dark, no calls, NOTHING!!! And maybe she'll get curious and maybe seh won't You need in this dark period to have your own life.
The thing, I believe, that keeps WAS from coming back is pride. They have pride and do not want to ask to come back. Imagine what that costs to say... I really blew it, I hurt you I realized I made a mistake and can we start again. Most people can't do it and they will find a very subtle way to do this rather than the in-your-face approach. Right now your attitude won't allow her to take that approach. You have to step back. Watch and let her come to you and let her know you are open to trying something new!
And most important ... stop singing the blues and find some kiddie happy music man to get some PMA. Because right now... I don't see you have any. ( that was my major kick in your butt!)
Patience is the key. Time is your friend if you learn how to build that relationship too. This is critical.
Keep posting.
Tree who also had her butt kicked when she started this process.
JJ
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