A word of caution about how you are feeling about this.
It's good to be positive, and it's important not to feel threatened by your wife's search for independence and fulfillment.
But, I want to ask you not to be happy about her apparent unhappiness. I say this for two reasons, really.
First, it's not a positive emotion for you. I know that you are not welcoming her unhappiness in a vindictive sense. But give a thought to how your own feelings about this might project onto her. If she gets any sense of how you are reacting, it's likely to drive her even further away.
Second, don't fall into the trap of thinking that her apparent unhappiness is a manifestation of her willingness to come back. I know it would be nice if this were true, but prepare yourself for the likelihood that this isn't the case.
I don't want to seem negative about this (and BTW I would welcome any other perspective on this, because this is exactly the situation that I'm in myself).
My wife moved out in April. She told me a week or so ago that every morning since then, she has woken up and cried tears of complete unhappiness. She has said that she wishes beyond anything else that she could put the clock back and do things again, but properly.
Why, then, won't she come back?
Your wife (and mine) have both taken a step of enormous emotional and symbolic importance. They are both unhappy as a result. To make them step back and reverse their decisions is what you and I (and all of us on this forum) are all about.
I don't know the answer. I wish I did.
I think it's around issues like being prepared to acknowledge their unhappiness, but avoiding any attempt to persuade them that coming home is the easy fix.
I think it's definitely about being prepared to relinquish absolutely any misguided wish to take control of their unhappiness. I think it's about being there, and being supportive, but staying well outside their unspoken boundaries.
Make no mistake; the barricades have been thrown up. A frontal assault will result in them being reinforced. All we can do is to wait, and earn the right for the door to be opened to us. This might happen quickly, it might not. It might not happen at all.
This is what I find so heart-breaking. The person I love more than anyone else in the word is suffering, and I have contributed so much in the past to bringing her to this awful situation. And yet, she is so suspicious of my motives, that any attempt on my part to remedy the situation is seen as a threat.
Just remember that your wife's overt unhappiness represents many covert feelings under the surface that probably have nothing directly to do with you. I'm talking about her need for self-worth, a solid sense of her own unique identity, and the need for her to reconcile these things with a relationship which she is afraid to leave, but frightened to stay in.
Keep doing what you are doing. Be supportive and loving. Remember, it's not just about doing things well, but about being sure to do the right things.
Love ... Johnny
JJ
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