Actually, putting the relationship books away is a really strong form of "acting as if", in my opinion. If you feel the need to constantly be brushing up on what you should do, or are always looking for answers you haven't found yet, you're acting as if there is a problem that needs to be solved. If you aren't doing that, you might be acting as if the problem is not there. It's as good, or maybe even better, for you as it is for SO's perception of you. The same thing could be said about your allowing your anxiety to overpower your any good that comes from spending time together.
I'm certainly not saying that we should avoid the reading or this BB, but maybe we should schedule the times that we indulge in them so not to let them run our lives. I am not good at this, by the way. I am a freelancer in an industry that is in a "flat business cycle" right now (read, pretty much unemployed), so I have lots of free time so I gravitate toward this board a lot. However, whenever I'm here a little voice in the back of my mind keeps reminding me of things in Michele's book about "if by some miracle, your marriage was suddenly healed overnight, what would you do with all the time you now spent working, reading and obsessing about your marriage?"
Hmmmmm.... Has anyone else ever noticed that when we share our thoughts and offer advice here, that sometimes you say things you never really thought of, and that maybe the advice is better directed inward?
No, wait, I get it now, That is the point.
z
JJ
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