The spending time together is a really good thing. Take it for what it is, don't try to make it more, just let it happen. I got my wife to attend one session with my SBT therapist, and inspite her insistance that she wants a divorce and nothing less, she agreed that things might be different if we could become friends again. C suggested we needed to spend time together -- any time. Since then we've been doing things together, like golf, shopping, yard work, taking daughter to school bus, a better effort at having dinner as a family. We're looking at dates, but she has a very busy social schedule which she will not compromise (I suspect OM has something to do with this). We just booked a 3 day stretch at a golf school (something we've talked about for years, but not done).
C also seemed to say that in may ways, simple thing were as good or better than extravaganzas. Just shared time. Not to say that extravaganzas aren't good, but that they are extraordinary events where boring mundane things are the things life is made of... and it is day to day life where we interact with our SO most of the time. Make that routine and comfortable, and there is progress. From what I read, you say when you spend time together your anxiety is high, and that the time isn't quality time. Could those two comments be related???
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
