Michele talks about a dog training technique - "reward the good behaviors, ignore the bad ones". Sounds like your H came up with a "good" behavior and instead of rewarding it, you took the opportunity to vent a little of your (understandable) frustration.
Some things to remember about your H - crazy and unfair as it may seem - from his point of view, he felt unloved and unappreciated in the marriage. He doesn't want to go back to the "old" R, that was an unhappy place for him. If he has seen a lot of positive changes in you, he may want to go forward into a NEW R with you.You need to validate the things he was feeling (no matter how crazy it seems to you, they were still his feelings and his experience). If you were just starting to date a new guy, would you say "Yes, I'll go out with you, but we have to work on a few things first"?
Take a look at the summary at the start of my thread in the Piecing forum - I detailed what worked for me. It's called "Valentine's Day Massacre - the Happy Ending".
Ellie
JJ
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