Andrew: I have cut and paste some of my replies to other posts, but I think this applies to you also. I hope this will be of some help to you.
Don't move out, it may feel like a better choice right now, but it would be harder to get back together. The main thing you need to do is give her space, don't talk to her about her feelings, that will just make things more confusing to you because you can't control her. Calmness and patience is a virtue here. You need to give her space by not nagging her and not overwhelm her. Get in touch with your own feelings, communicate all (positive and negative) your feelings with her. By being in touch with your own feelings, you can better control your emotions. You need to be calm and cool under fire, no matter what she does, you don't get angry. Detach from her problems, you can't control her anyway, so why think or act like you can?
I understand that it may feel easier to give her space by moving out and that may happen anyway. I can't speak for anyone else, but my W told me all these things also, she wanted to move out then she wanted me to move out. For me, I did not want to move out and didn't. There is a lot other ways of giving her space and not move out. I just think living together, it's easier for her to see your change (that's the key, you need to change for the better). You are confused about what she is telling you, don't believe anything she says (I don't mean that in a bad way), she is confused with the whole thing, she does not know what she wants, she has many mood swings, that's why she is giving you conflicting signals. Be her friend, look for opportunity to help her when she needs it. Most women like a gentle and caring man. Be that man in her life, she may do and say many things to hurt you, but you can't let that bother you. Just keep plugging away at your changes. I speak from experiences, I did all these and it's working for me in a big way.
Here was some of what I did to give her space. I listen to her but I make no suggestions for her. I do activities by myself or with my children. I don't argue with her. I don't check on her. I basically detached from all (most) of her problems. I read "Codependent no more" and realized that I was codependent on my wife, so I made a conscience decision not to do that anymore. Also, one of the biggest problems with my marriage was communication. I was never aware of my own feeling until we start fighting, then I let all the negative feeling come out all at once. I stopped doing that by talking with my W all the time. I basically spill my guts to her, I know it's hard for a man to do and it was hard for me also. But, she really appreciated that I share my every thought with her, to her I am respecting her. When I communicate with her, I told her both my positive feelings and negative feelings, be honest with her. This made me feel better about myself and about my whole circumstances, in turn, it also made her feel better. I was/am really doing a 180 like "Divorce Busting" said to do, without really knowing it at first. I really did less of what didn't work before, and did a whole lot more of what worked before. You need to find that in your relationship with your W. Really treat her like when you were first dating her, she will go for that, it did for my W.
It's very easy to be passive and let days go by without any improvements. Actually, that's not all bad. Time is a great healer. You need to work on yourself, for me it was reading every book I can get my hands on, working with a counselor, pray a lot, go to church. If you believe, then it will happen. Because if you really believe you love your W, then you will act like you do. And, she will come around.
JEC
JJ
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