Quote: So even though I know I could work it out with my husband, I'm not in love with him. A peaceful, polite business relationship is not what I want in a marriage.
"In love" comes and goes in a relationship (it is usually the euphoric, and short-lived period at the beginning of a relationship--the time before we discover the other person is not perfect and does not see things the same way as we do). That is not to say that we should not want to have some of that "in love" feeling from time to time in our M. Michele has written about this and I think it boils down to both spouses making a DECISION to DO loving ACTIONS, and watch the "in love" feelings develop from that, instead of only doing loving actions when we feel "in love." That's what DBing is all about, DOING loving actions and seeing the change that it can make in the way our S feels about themselves and us.
That is what acting "as if" means. Ask yourself this: how would you act toward your H IF you were "in love" with him? Do those things and see what happens in your R. This is not a quick fix and results may not be fast, but you and H may be surprised to find "in love" feelings returning. You do not have to settle for a peaceful, polite business-like M, but you and your H will have to do something to go beyond that and not just be carried along by whatever feelings you and H have or don't have at any particular time.
Shrek
JJ
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