I've had so much good advice from the BB here, I thought it might help me to compile some of the points that really resonated for me and my sitch. I thought this might make it easier for me to refer to this way. Again, I want to thank everyone who is helping me. I'm sure I would've thrown in the towel by now if it weren't for all of you cheering me on! Gib
Raven: "By validating you difuse these emotions by not reacting the way he expects you to. Also, your changes will show him what you said you mean."
Chris: "NOW understand, you cannot change him! You cannot confront and force him to stop this. There may be many reasons and it may just be an AE. Start DB'ing. Try the 180's. Think about how you would normally act and do the opposite."
Chris: "Change your attitude around him, be positive (PMA) and do some strange things. Tell him that you have something to do, and old friend to meet and just go for a drive. "
JRB: "But the suspicious and snooping behavior might be having the effect of pushing him away, especially if it also comes across in conversation. If he comes back, it is going to be because he decides he wants to. The snooping doesn't help you make that happen. Perhaps you might set aside your suspicions and concentrate on DBing so that he will choose to come home."
Kimiko: "You can either fight FOR your marriage, or you can fight ABOUT your marriage. Once you decide what you want, stick to it. " "I'm just looking at every possible angle for your husband's behavior, instead of assuming the negative. Trust me, if you look hard enough, you can find bad in everything. Work harder to look for the good. " "I'm just looking at every possible angle for your husband's behavior, instead of assuming the negative. Trust me, if you look hard enough, you can find bad in everything. Work harder to look for the good." "Spend all that energy on developing ways to make being home with you and the children the least stressful and demanding as possible. " "It's true, people gravitate toward happiness versus pain. Why not be that happiness your husband can be attracted to? Don't be needy to him, let him come to you. When he starts to feel like you expect him to hug you, and touch you, then he'll feel less like he wants to, and more like he has to, to avoid you being angry."
Dawn: " pull the focus from him to YOU"
Sage: "SHOW him that your changes are lasting."
Sage: "I would focus on GAL and strengthening your sense of yourself...h will certainly notice and if he expresses concerns that you are "moving on" you could say "I had just forgotten how much I enjoyed (yoga, cooking, dancing, whatever). I love getting that part of my life back". You know?"
Sage: "what are you doing to make your M a wonderful haven for him? What did you guys used to enjoy doing together? Bring some of that back into the M...have a wonderful smelling dish cooking on the stove or a funny video to watch"
Ay: "I would strongly recommend to go out tonight and NOT to initiate any R related discussion. Just try to have a good time."
Jacks: "i think the schedule is really positive,it sounds like he's making a real effort to see you and the kids and spend a lot of family time."
Jacks: "look sexy, flirt,have a few drinks, be fun, etc. "
Blue: "No R talks !!!! Period !!!! He will come to you .. stay upbeat. Don't let all this get your spirits down .. be happy for you and kids .. H will be drawn to it. Get back into the gym! If his life is so boring .. he will miss you and the kids. Make home a place he wants to come to. How are your flirting skills? Work on them! I bet he will take notice! A wink .. a pat on his behind .. a quick squeeze .. little things! Get his attention!"
Jacks: "STOP DOING WHAT ISN'T WORKING!"
PLWife: "I agree lay off on the touching and trying to hard. He'll come around when he's ready, but let him do all of that. Think of it the other way, through his eyes. Put yourself in his place, and try seeing what he is seeing. No one wants a weak person to be around. They want strong, fun people. Hes not ready to be physically close when you want it. Just let him do the work of trying to get close. It sounds like he is fighting with himself. He thinks he wants to be with you, but he's just too sure as well. Another thing to do is stop calling. Let him do the calling and the talking. When hes ready he will. But don't push. Time heals."
JJ
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