I definatly used to have this worry however I dont now and I will tell you why.
The minute i started the "AS IF " Stuff H changed towards me He was not afraid to be around me as he now knew I was no longer going to beg, plead, cry, maon or what ever else I was doing.
Any way then I get these thoughts, what if he thinks im happy and hes happy im getting on with it.
Now I realise that this is what DBing is all about. YES-I want H back desperatly, but I only want him back if he wants to come back, whats the point otherwise, he will just come back and problems will continue, he needs to want to come back.
All the time we LBS are miserable, moaning, clinging, they will not want to come back, If they never come back we know its because they never wanted to and we have tried all we could and hopfully in the process of doing all the "AS IF" stuff we have got ourselves a life and can get on with it.
One thing for sure is doing all this will definatly change the dynamics of the R, whether they come back or not.
We have to truly let go for them to see their issues, untill we are able to do that they can not see things clearly. If we persue beg plead are vindictive or anything else like that they are to busy focussing on all that to focus on other stuff.
Maybe for a while it does please them that we are happy, maybe it helps their guilt, maybe they are happy we are getting by without them, but untill all that happens they are not going to see the nice people we are, they will just see someone who clearly wants to make their life hard, whilst TOP is standing by and being lovley because they still have their mask on.
This is hard to explain lol
This is just my humble opion, I think the only way to get back to their heart is through this way.
Sue
JJ
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