When deciding what to do always remember your goals. Will it help achieve your immediate goals? Will it bring her closer or push her away farther? What does this action communicate? Which ways in the past have you handled conflict and been successful in reaching a solution?
Also remember in the book that Michele said that "timing is everything." Was it really necessary to tell her that you won't sign the divorce papers yesterday? That's in a month and a half. You know she's not in a good mood right now and this doesn't improve things.
Also be careful of "loving" seeing her in distress about your actions. People have ways of communicating their thoughts without saying anything. If she picks up on the fact that you love the fact that your actions are "killing her", it will only add to the mountain to climb. Besides, is it really killing her? Or is it justifying her anger towards you?
At this point, I really strongly suggest you hook up on the phone with a DB coach to plan out a strategy. It's well worth the investment.
Right now, I get the feeling that you're jumping the gun a bit too quickly on things and reacting to her. You really need to step back from the sitch for a while and figure out what you're going to do. YOU HAVE TIME TO IMPROVE THINGS!!!! Don't rush it. Remember rule no. 1: PATIENCE, PATIENCE, PATIENCE.
Hang in there but really try to focus on your immediate baby goals, not the big picture.
Forgot to add: Don't worry about OM right now. If you approach him after she told you she ended the affair that will completely blow up in your face. LET GO!!!! DETACH YOURSELF!!!! You have got to focus on you right now and let her be alone. Stop chasing because the more you chase, the less she'll want to be with you.
JJ
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