Have been trying to stay busy with job hunting, but wanted to post about something that happened earlier this week, just to vent, as well as get thoughts, ideas, support here.
As I had posted previously, WH and OW have been involved, "off and on" for about a year now, after initially meeting on the internet. There has been a lot of "drama" including lots of fighting and arguments between them, several "break ups and makeups", a pregnancy/abortion, WH moving in with her, out to his own place, back home, into his own house, her moving in with him, and more recently (end of July) OW moving out of his house, and them supposedly "breaking up".
Hoped that this last "break up" would really be the real deal, allowing us to work on rebuilding our marriage, and felt hopeful for a little while- we talked more, went out to lunch/dinner a few times, and I thought it a good sign that OW had moved 30 miles away, outside town. Wasn't long though, and I noticed WH starting to distance away again and I was sure the affair was back "on".
They have "broken up" several times, and from what I know about it, it appears that OW has always been the "breaker upper". They may go a few days without talking or seeing each other, but they always seem to keep some connection, and in a short time, WH is trying to get back with OW. Appears that she then places "conditions" and/or gives him an ultimatum of what he must do to "win" her back, and the affair resumes...
Guess she upped the "anty" on her conditions this last time, as a couple of weeks later, WH suprised me by showing up with divorce papers ! Told him I didn't want us to divorce, blah blah, and he told me his "usual" speel- that he didn't want to be married, just wants to be "alone and on his own". (same thing he's said ever since affair began). I left for vacation a couple of days later, so nothing else was said. Wh even called to wish me a nice trip, and called a couple of times while I was gone-(weird ?) Wasn't back a day though and he was calling, bugging about the papers, saying if I wouldn't sign, he'd go and file and have me served. Ignored him and didn't do anything for a few days. Next time he called, he was just friendly", nice, asked about my job hunt, our dog, etc. and no mention of the papers. Curious, I later checked the courts website, and was very heartbroken to see that he HAD filed, earlier than week on 8/29. Thought it was pretty cowardly that he didn't even say anything ! Tried to call him at work, and was told he was gone for the day, and realized he probably had gone away for the holiday weekend, and that was likely why he had called to "check in" beforehand ! Later than weekend, I got a call from WH's credit card company, checking on some unusual activity on his card, IN VEGAS ! , so I knew he was indeed on a trip, and surely was with OW. (Strangely enough, he did the same thing last year, same weekend, and I found out the same way, by his credit card co. calling !)
Since then, I've had little contact with WH. He called a few times week before last as he was ill, probably wanted a little "sympathy", and stopped by briefly to pick up some mail, and drop off receipts on the way to the Dr. Had a couple calls last week, just quick questions about our insurance and a bill that was due.
Then, heard from him on Sun. night. He started out friendly and "nice" then started pushing (again) about selling our house.(the one I live in) Hoped he'd at least wait to mention it again until I have a job ! Didn't reach any conclusions. He called again Monday, mentioned the house briefly, and asked if I wanted to send him my resume, in case he heard of any jobs. (?).
During the conversation either Sun. night or Mon., something came up about the fact that OW still calls here sometimes. (She called here constantly when WH moved back home - 13 times in one hour on one evening ! Also has called and left insults and obscenities towards me on the machine. Seems to call more often when they are fighting or she is paranoid about whether or not WH's talking to me. If I'm home, I never answer and she normally does not leave a message. Don't know if she calls trying to see if I'm here or might be out with WH, is trying to get "dirt" on him, or just wants to harass or insult me again !) I told WH that WH has called here, as recently as a couple of weeks ago, generally does not leave a message, but at times has done so, and seems to want to "taunt" me with info about them- what they are doing- that she is with my WH. He didn't really comment- don't know if he believes it even though he did know how much she called and hear some of her ugly messages when he lived at home.
Well, later on Mon. afternoon, I got home from errands and there was a message on our machine from OW ! It said : "Hi Slammed, this is OW. I hear that you say I call there all the time, so thought I'd give you a call. Why don't you pick up the phone, are you a F#$%ing chickensh*t ?? I know you're probably home since you can't hold down a job. You know that I don't call there, haven't told you jacksh&t about anything in our life so why don't you F$#*ing get a life, grow up and leave US alone. This is really F$#*ing starting to pis* me off ".
I was rather stunned, insulted, and steamed !! I don't know if it was a good idea or not, but I called WH. Said I guess he had obviously rushed right out and talked to OW after we talked. He asked "why?" I told him she had called and what she had said- told him I was very offended, that she had no right to call our house, that I was very hurt she knew I was not working or knew anything about me, him and our business, did not appreciate him talking to her about me or our life, and was sick of both of them being hurtful and disrespectful. He said he was very sorry- that he had told her I had said she called there, and she had told him that she never did (naturally). He wanted to know exactly what she said, and if I had saved the message (yes) Told me they rarely talked about "us", and that he didn't go around telling her about me or our business. Said he didn't want her doing stuff like that, and suggested I have her number blocked so she can't call. As we talked, I got an incoming call- from WH's home phone ! Knew he was calling from his cell, but I said "are you at home ?" He said "No, I'm in the car, just left work". I told him "Well, I have a call coming from your house right now- is OW at your house ?" He hesitated a minute, but then said "Yes, she could be, I kept her dogs over the weekend while she had to go out of town, and she is probably there picking them up". I said "Well, see, that's what I've been telling you". He again said he "was sorry", then said he needed to go- had arrived at the meeting he was going to.
Haven't had any calls since then, from either WH or OW. I'm sure if he even brought it up she would have totally denied it all again, and perhaps she convinced him I was the one lying (although he did know she called and heard some of her messages himself when he was back home). I thought it odd he suggested I block her number, but later realized he might just be doing that hoping that we don't end up talking- because there's a whole lot of truths that he wouldn't want OW to hear from me ! Also, I think he realizes OW would do whatever she wants- he once even said there was no point in telling her anything. Any thoughts on what this was about ?? Good or bad that I told him ? Continue to avoid any contact with OW ?
Another question- Event though I've really tried to reduce contact with WH, I've really noticed that he has sure seemed to be distancing himself from me. He has not been calling like he used to, hasn't asked me for the ocassional lunch/dinner (last time was right before he did the paperwork), and the only times I've heard from him have been quick calls or emails about financial matters.Hasn't even asked about our dog anymore, which used to be one of his main "reasons" for calling ! I'm wondering if he has finally gotten tired of his own ambivalence and going "back and forth" , decided he was "okay" living alone, and made a firm decision to D, so is really trying to "detach" from me now ??? Or, could it be that he has to be on his "best behavior" due to OW's ultimatum- perhaps she threatened to move away if he didn't get the divorce, cut all contact with me ???
This is making me feel scared- making me feel like he really is cutting "all ties" with me, for whatever reason, and I feel like nothing is going to stop the affair and we'll end up running out of time, and divorced. Any idea of anything I can do ? Stay as dark as possible and hope he misses me, us, "real life" ?? All thoughts appreciated ! Slammed
