Started the week with a better attitude and feeling strongly
that I had to really "shake things up" and change both my
behavior and attitude towards WH.

I realize that he has never had to "be on his own" (the one
thing he says he wants SO much) because he's always had me
or OW (or both) to "fall back on". Since he knows I love
him and want to recovery our marriage and life together, I
feel like he just thinks he can get me back, no matter what
awful things he's said and done, because I've always been
the "rock"- his security, faithful, honest, caring, and
supportive of him.
On the other hand, I believe OW plays lots of games, uses
guilt, manipulation and control to get her way and get WH
to do what she wants. From facts I know about their many
"breakups", they have seemed to all be initiated by her,
with her telling WH "she can't be involved with him as long
as anyone else is in his life" (meaning me), she won't take
his calls, won't see him, and then after he "begs" his way
back by promising the moon, they get back together.
I can only assume that his filing the D paperwork, then
going on a trip with her was "upping the antie" on the
ultimatum this time. I hate game playing and manipulation
but it sure does seem to be effective with WH- he apparently
does worry that he will really lose her, so responds to it
where he does not respond to me.

I'd like him to have a "taste" of what it'd be like to be
divorced, because I really don't think he understands that
we would not be "friends" or anything else. Since we have
no kids, no joint friends, and live in a fairly large city
there would be no reason to run into each other at all,
ever.
However, it's hard to go that "dark" now when we have joint
bank account, insurance, bills, and Wh still pays on our
house and expenses. I try to keep contact regarding these
issues to a minimum, and mostly via email, but feel like rather than WH getting nervous or afraid he might really lose me and his not being sure that's what he wants, I almost think he views my action as just being me patiently waiting and being "passive" while he does what he wants to.

Besides Michele's books, I've read several other authors
and almost all have something similar to the "180's" where
you go with behavior opposite from your usual- and this
is somewhat similiar to what I've already been doing. Since
we live apart, we don't see each other much for me to have
much change to "show" him much different behavior, but there
still might be a few opportunities- do you think that this
might be more effective than just staying "dark" ??
Nothing short of actually being divorced, seems like has
been "opposite" enough, but if it goes that far, it'd be
too late, so I don't know what to do ???

As has been the case each time WH and OW have "broken up"
and then gotten back together, WH seems to go through a
period of trying to be on his "best behavior", and attempts
little contact with me. (I'm assuming his filing the initial
D paperwork and then taking OW to Vegas for the weekend was
his big "gesture" to "win" her back).

Our interaction this week has been very brief- got an email
from WH on Tues asking a question about the medical coverage
for his D10, after she apparently had a problem getting a
school physical.(I have always handled and set up our insur)
I answered the question, which was going to require that
he call his H/R dept. for information.

Came home from a friend's house Wed night and saw that WH
had called our house, but he did not leave a message and
did not try my cell, so assumed it was nothing important.

Today, got a call from WH's H/R department, saying he had
called to ask a question, but knew so little about our
insurance that they weren't sure what he wanted, so they
called me to find out. I made the inquiry, then left a
brief, business-like voicemail for WH, telling him the info.
I wondered if this was too much interaction, but didn't feel
I could ignore his inquiry when it was a legitimate question
about a business/financial issue. Guess I also felt a little
obilgated to help since I want his D10 to be taken care of
and since WH carries me on his insurance when he doesn't
have to...

Any thoughts about ways to be MORE different in behavior,
actions or my response to WH ?
Try more "180's" or stick to dark ?
Any other ideas on ANYthing I can do ? I hate just sitting
here as time passes (there is a 90 day waiting period on D)
and feeling like I'm passive and doing nothing.

BTW, WH has still not told me that he filed the D paperwork,
I only know it from looking at the courts website. Don't
know why he woldn't just TELL me ????
(lack of courage, doesn't want to be "bad guy", not so
sure about it ?????)
Slammed