Thanks Cat for posting that. I'm going to add it to what I've already printed out.
Matilda2, I've been printing out information on this site that helps me. I have a thin notebook I'm adding the pages to,I think I'll keep the whole thing with my journal, and use them together like a workbook along with a "map" of where I want to go.
Back when I started DBing (when my husband moved out and was committed to divorce), I did the same thing with that advice. All the GALing, 180s lists, last minute techniques, detaching, etc.... I'd print it out, read and reread it, and just try to incorporate it in my life. I'll add that stuff as well because it's all useful. Eventually I'm realizing one needs to be a relatively healthy, well-rounded, and independent individual to have strong healthy relationships.
This is definitely not easy. It's a lot of work and there's a lot to learn.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
runningoutoftime, when you have some time can you pop over to my thread in Separated? I asked some questions of you earlier today (or maybe it was yesterday, I can't remember) and I'd love to hear your responses. Thank you so much...
Sorry to hijack, running, but I wanted to ask if you were the one who was successful in "seducing" your husband back from the OW? I am currently in an interesting sitch and really want some advice...
Me-32
H-40
M-8 years
5 kids, d16, d13,s5,s5,s2
bomb 6/11/06
H filed for D 6/27/06
Just checking in to see how you're doing. My best wishes to you. You were an inspiration to me during the two previous weeks! Don't forget us you inspired who haven't made the "Piecing" posts yet (or ever!) Your responses to me were tremendous.
I can't say I needed to work too hard to seduce my husband away from the OW. I didn't have as difficult a time with this as others might have because she was married and lived in another state (so once the class they were in together was over she had no other reason to travel to California. He does have to fly out to her area for work on rare occassions, but after I informed her husband about the affair that seemed to bury it). Their relationship was doomed from the start. But in some ways I guess you could say I did have to seduce him from the "idea" of dating others. When he left he told me he was fully intent on plenty of dating, but once he had that freedom he never seemed to do very much (if any!) dating. He spent much more time with family members, guys from work and being alone (and very very gradually "dating" me).
But a very close friend of mine did this. And she did it while her husband was living in another state! They were married for over 20 years and his affair was with a very young woman. They did file for divorce, but then put it on hold. He was handsome, and had been a famous athelete. He used to fly in to see the kids. She read a lot of books on saving her marriage, relationships, etc... In general she's an amazing person and a very devout Christian. Anyhow, they had a strong physical connection so whenever he was in town visiting they would be drawn to each other. Eventually the OW became very jealous of his wife!!! In time he broke off the relationship with OW, started valuing his marriage and and even commented to his wife how he could understand why second marriages often fail (the difficulties of split-up families).
So..... I do believe this type of thing can be done.
Don't worry about hijacking my thread!!! Feel free to share your sitch here.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Thanks for the kind words! I'm glad I was able to give you some advice or encouragement that seemed to help. I will definitely check up on you every so often to see how you're doing. I know you're going to fine in the long run. Just hang in there!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
