I never answered your question of the other day - re: does my W know and agree with some of the stuff (such as the Mars/Venus stuff).
I thing generally she does. I know that she loved the analogy that I had made during our MC some months back - about Mr. Fixit and Mrs. Home Improvment Committee. And I know for a fact she is much more likely to "hold her tongue" when she wants to provide criticism - especially if it is about something important to me. HOWEVER, I guess I'm not sure how much her "agreement" matters - here's why - again, this is my journey too and I get to choose how I act or re-act. That started with one of the first statements from my personal mission statement to the effect of "I will listen to all that WAW has to say and express". Active listening - takes a lot of practice, but it has helped her feel understood. And secondly - and I find myself REALLY thinking this one through when I am talking to her - but to never - UNLESS directly asked - provide a solution.
So much has changed I think for the better through these interactions. *I* started them - she just seems to be following and it is becoming very natural - as if this is how people should always be interacting if that makes sense.
Next, I agree with B-N-D, you have to start letting it go. I had one blowout about the OM back in May and that has been it. Never brought it up since - I'm not saying it doesn't still bother me or take a minute or two a day to get an icky image out of my mind - however - I needed to let it go or there is no way I could have gotten myself to where I am today.
Lastly - regarding the lying - and I'm trying to remember if I posted to Cat about this - or where. Whatever. Anyway, I was a consumate "truth stretcher or avoider" - all white lies or just forgetfulness, but I can tell you my motivation lay in not wanting to cause disapointment. I know that the years of criticism, as mild as it might have been, made me feel it was "best" to stretch the truth. Short answer is for the time being, it made me feel safer. Obviously, my tune has changed. I'm still forgetful (blonde, can't help it), but I can tell you I don't lie. I'll deal with the consequence because all in all, I am a great person putting on a great effort. AND, WAW has allowed me to feel "safer" WRT my interactions so I get a double benefit.
My suspicion is that your H does not feel safe talking about these things and in his own way, he *might* be trying to *protect* you. He undoubtly is ashamed. What can you do that would make him feel safe? TJ and I created a "Safety" thread in Newcomers some time back - might be worth a read.
