Thanks for pointing all of that out to me. I do need to let it go. I think you are absolutely right that I am worrying about something that doesn't really matter. Also, no one is 100% truthful all of the time. There are little "white lies" and sometimes if something is unproductive why worry about it. I also do know my husband often has a terrible memory about stuff like this (like when something occurred and what happened... he remembers science and math while life eludes him).
As far as trying to make amends... I'm not sure about that. Would just being around count for making amends? My husband does say he "loves me cautiously." I wonder if this means he does feel a lot of shame and just can't take any criticism regarding this whole thing.
I understand this can differ from person to person, but what kind of time frame can one expect in working through all of this? My husband left the marriage for 6 months so he wouldn't have to deal with the fallout. I'm certainly not so crazed about the whole thing as I would have been in the early months, but wouldn't this just delay some of the healing? I know that the details hurt, but don't most of us want to know them anyway?
I'm soooo bad. I sent her (OW) another mean email the other day. I told her I was sorry for her husband being married to someone like her. Fortunately this isn't something I've done too much.
I guess the thing I'm grappling with is why neither of these people seemed to feel guilty. How they could do all this without feeling guilty? Even though I keep reading all these books, and they give reasonable answers for this, it's like I still can't understand it. I guess some of this stuff is just hitting me hard right now. I don't know why I'm going here when I was doing so well. Maybe I should talk with my doctor about increasing the antidepressants. Maybe heavy sedation for the next year or so would help....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
