need more inspiration? This is from Mike who posts here. ******************* I would like to give a very big thanks to Michele, for her books, and all the wonderful people on this BB for all the help I have recieved.
Five months ago my world fell apart. And thanks to DB, and all the help, advice, understanding, and support I have recieved here, things have turned around and are looking better then ever.
Luckly I found DB immedatly after WAW left. Actually it was me who left, but it was her that would not come back. I read the book, found this BB, and started trying to put the techniques to work immedatly.
The key word here is trying. I had it all wrong in the beginning. I thought this was some magic cure that would quickly make things alright again. I went through the book, picking and choosing what I though was right; what I thought would make me look better; and mostly what I thought my W would notice. This backfired badly and only made things worse.
There came a point where I almost gave up, maby I did. But I still didnt like who I was. So I quit trying to "impress" my W, I quit trying to "show" her my changes. Because honestly they were not genuine. I just changed. For me. No one else. And let me tell you it was amazing how quickly things turned around.
My W and I are at a great place right now. Like a new beginning. We are talking, laughing, crying together; and have a stronger bond then ever before. My R with my W and her kids is better than ever. We are going to individual, couples and family conceling. Have a baby on the way. And are in the process of building our first home. And I can attest to the fact it is because I changed ME. I changed me and in reaction my W changed her.
There are so many other wonderful things happening in my M that I could go on all day. I would again like to thank everyone here...Bluekeys and Calystra for their bluntness...JJ for his help with my goals. And everyone else for thier help and support. This is a great community.
Some things I have learned for the Newcomers:
-If you want to save your M, dont give up. -Identify the things YOU have done to get to this point in your M. Dont worry about what your S has done. -Make changes in yourself ONLY for yourself. Dont make the changes to get your S to come running back. They wont be sincere, and your S will see them as controling and manipulative. -Dont believe anything your S says. And DONT react negativally to it. -Come here to vent. -Listen to the advice here. -Set goals.
No guarentees, but this does work if you let it.
Thanks to all again---You saved my marriage.
Mike
-------------------- The Divorce Buster
JJ
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