Where is your divorce now? Did you both put it on-hold or end it? Did you spend a huge amount of money on this whole thing as well? That part really bothers me because we could have had some awesome vacations with that money.
I have to recommend a good book for you, I think it's called "Getting Back Together" and it talks about the positives of separation (healing, learning, a chance to start over, etc...).
One of the concepts in this book that I think would be applicable to you is that it talks about how important it is not to get back together too soon. It's important to really learn and grow through the separation... and it does sound to me like your husband may have learned a great deal. (Like maybe that the grass really isn't greener on the other side! That's an important lesson).
I know what you mean about wanting 100% committment. I've been asking for the same thing. (At the very least I'd like a 6 year commitment.... until the youngest is 18). But a good friend pointed out something to me today. We really never have 100% ever. Any marriage could end at any time. Any relationship we start with someone else is not 100% certain either.
I think one nice thing about starting again after a 19 month separation is that you can't possibly have the same relationship. It's a new one. I think the longer the separation, the better chance you have of changing negative patterns.
LiveAndLearn, please post on this thread anytime, ask questions, share info, etc...
It definitely helps knowing I'm not the only one struggling with these issues.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
