hi, saw your post, after I also have been in the piecing board. Not sure if I belong here either, but I am commited as you too, also trying very hard on restoring my M.
Myself also married over 20yrs, with H home with me now after A with OW, long term , over 2yrs.
Our reconnection also very bumpy. I am definitely no pro at this, first time in our M that OP involved, first time we S, lots of firsts for all of us!! I have come to know that DB with H home for us is even harder than when we were S.
My H also very silent communictor, Always has been. H has shown me many actions of recommitment, ( cards, flowers, vacations, doing things together, ML) but very few words about the past A and the OW. we do not go to MC. I personnaly know that, at the very least,an EA still exists. My H still has contact with the OW. ( phone and email that i know of)--she also lives several hours away.
Somedays I choose to completely forget the OW and EA and H and I do things fun together. Dates as you mention with your H--riding bikes, walking, enjoying working on the house together, etc. On these days I feel we are making babysteps and will work through this. I try to remind myself now to work on forgiveness and to remember I cannot change his feelings for her. Actually on a few occasions when there is no R talk and we are having a relaxed time together, I feel safe to ask some small thoughts.
Trouble in my sitch and not sure of yours, that I was ready to jump into reconnecting and naively thought we would live happily ever after communicating our deepest thoughts to prevent us from never getting into the place of problems our M had that led to all this. Problems on both our ends. But now realizing this will not happen. In my case trust is still not there and to me, that is the base for us that is not there yet. Has yours helped to build that base?
Does your H show you other ways besides communication of furthing your reconnection? I am glad to hear of your dates and would say continue doing that, but to also be realistic that this is another long road and lots of work, patience for you again. You sound strong to have come this far.
