I never expected to be posting on this board... although I don't entirely "fit in" here. My husband and I are still separated (since March '06), and we're still in the middle of a divorce.

On the other hand, we spend a lot of time together as a couple. We often get together for walks at night, we go hiking in the mountains, we've gone out to dinner together with the kids, he comes over to work on the house and we talk a lot.

He was the one who originally moved out and filed for divorce (he was in the middle, or rather the end, of an affair).

Anyhow, he now talks about reconcilation. I'm wondering... how have others gone about this? At what point do you move back together? Call off a divorce? How do you "plan" to get back together?

The funny thing about this is my husband is always asking me what I want to do. It's almost like he wants me to make all the decisions. I don't feel comfortable doing this because he was the one who left and filed for divorce (I've kind of dragged my heels on this the whole time).

What I've tried to explain to him is that I do want my family together and I want a strong healthy marriage with him, but he has to decide if this is what he truly wants (I can't have him wavering). It has to be a commitment.

Am I missing something? Should I be approaching this differently?

I'd appreciate hearing other people's experiences with piecing after a seperation or divorce (especially if there has been more than one affair and the S tends to "run away" from problems). What do you feel worked well or didn't work well?

Thanks in advance for any advice or sharing of experiences.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.