I just had to write to thank you. Your book and website saved my marriage. I am the kind of person that is skeptical about everything but I thought, nothing else is working so I might as well take your advice. At that point I had nothing else to lose.
I am astounded about how everything worked! I did some "180's" and acted "as if" which were both extremely hard to do but I forced myself to do it. Within 3 weeks, he has dropped the other woman (after a 3 year affair) and I think he now hates her as much as I do, moved back in, professes his love for me I think more sincerely and maturely then even when we were first married and is seeing a therapist once a week to work on his issues that drove him to his MLC behavior.
I have to say that my 180's has changed me too. I have also been in therapy for the last year to work on my behavior issues but your ideas gave me that final push that I needed to put everything that I have been learning into actions. I found that if I act the opposite of what I would normally would do long enough then I actually feel that way (my problem was that I was so angry at him for so long that I just could not be nice to him). I can't believe how stressful it was for me to behave with so much anger towards him. I now feel so relaxed and happier than I have been probably ever. I don't think that I ever allowed myself to be truly happy. I am a totally new person. I think that if this crisis of ours had surfaced last year I would have ended up divorced and very bitter. But now, I have finally learned to let go of the need to control. All my anger feels like it has literally flown out of my body. I have learned that there is absolutely no advantage to being right, it is self-righteous and serves no purpose at all to a relationship. Most of all I have learned to forgive and that everybody is human and makes mistakes-however huge they are. Your theory is very true. If one person makes changes it absolutely has a butterfly effect.
Again, I have to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.
