Dinner was ok. D 7 had a melt down before and spouse and I had a miscommunication about a trip to the vet. Spouse wanted to be cranky with me but I just shut up and went to the vet for her. So all in all things were precarious before dinner. We took D so not much deep communication. But in the midst of sushi spouse pops out the "assignment" her therapist gave her for next visit: make list of people who have fooled you throughout your life. Can't go into that too far with kid present so later after D in bed, spouse comes and sits on couch while I'm watching TV. I turned TV off and we had some inconsequencial chit chat. Then I asked if she wanted to tell me more about her session today. So we kind of had a big R discussion. Spouse is still in la la land and takes no "responsibility" for affair, it's all based on her unmet needs and getting what she needed from OW. (Ever want to scream "yes, but you MADE A CHOICE to do that!!! You gave yourself PERMISSION to act on it!!" But of course I didn't scream it out.)
I guess what I should see as "good news" is the fact that she said she often tries to just convince herself to suck it up and come back to me. She chose me, she should just reinvest etc but it does't FEEL that way. I could suggest that FEELings are based on actions but she's not ready for that. Interesting twist: I sugggested there wasn't really a level playing field between myself and OW because in their A there was no responsibility, bills, kid, mortgage, etc. Spouse said "But those are the things between you and I that I LIKE". Wierd. But I guess I understand. With me it's stability and "family". Unfortunately I don't know how much longer I'll be the "furniture".
Thanks for asking guys! Any observations?
Patience is not only a virtue, sometimes it is an impossibility.
