First Hearing Today

[Ithinkicanithinkicanithinkican]

Warning, shitty day ahead! OK, I'm venting here. Please, bear with the foul language. It is 11PM H has been out since 12:30 this afternoon with our friend who he isn't sleeping with. WHATFUCKINGEVER! This sucks. We've had a good few days. H has been coming in earlier and we've been getting along better. H has made a real effort to spend time with the kids. We even went to a family event all together yesterday. Still, toward the end of the event, H was obviuosly itching to go out with OW. Today, H took the twins5 golfing for a bit. But as soon as he was done, it was out the door for an entire day with that [censored] WHORE!! Who cares if the kids were horribly disappointed that Daddy couldn't be bothered with them for the rest of his only day off in weeks! Then we had some issues with texts. I had texted him to see if he'd pick up some groceries, this was 7 hours after he'd left the house. His response was "send a list, i'llsee if i can get to it." Of course, I responded to the effect of if you're too busy I'll do it myself and a second text that pointed out that after 7 hours he could say good night and get business done. Also, I let him know that I'm cranky because of friend issues. No response. Now, it was getting late,the baby was still up, and I hate to leave D12 with the kids on a school night, so I called and said if you're not going, let me know and I'll go down with baby to the store. H called back pissed telling me that he'd said that he was going to go. I pointed out that his text did not say that and I was just looking for a confirmation. H calmed down a bit after I told him that. So I texted him a copy of his original text, saying see why I was confused? I also sent another text with the list at about 8:25. I have confirmation on texts I send and I never got one for the text with the list. At 10:20 I sent another text asking him to get eclairs if he'd be home before 11. At 10:50 I realized I hadn't received a confirmation from the list text and I texted H to see if he had gotten the list. H responded, yes, warden, I got the list. You're pissing me off. I AM PISSING HIM OFF? He is the one who's blowing off his family and responsibilities to have fun with this woman. I rearranged my plans for today to accomodate his golf outing with the boys. I'm the one who stays home every night with the kids while he goes out with OW- and he wants custody!! WTF??? I wonder if this is reaction for getting too close again? This morning H insulted me and instead of snapping back, I went to my room for a minute to reset my buttons. When I came out H told me that I hadn't changed at all. WTF? Not getting into an argument was a 180 for me! H keeps saying this over and over, it's like he's trying to convince himself. Of course, all the texting this evening is going to be exactly what it was like before. I am also going insane not knowing what H is doing. I mean it's almost midnight, he hasn't gone to the store yet, what has he been doing for nearly 11 hours?? Of course H is having sex with that bitch! I hate this. I pray that God sends me another sign, because I really have nothing to lose if I just walk away from this crap!! How am I supposed to find the strength and courage to fight for this marriage?
Enough for now. I have to find a way to think of something else.