First Hearing Today

[Ithinkicanithinkicanithinkican]

Well, I haven't been posting because I've been so busy with getting 3 out of my 4 kids back to school. Phew! Last year I only had D12 in school, so this was a big adjustment!
Anyhow, I have had an interesting few days. I'll start with last Sat. I went to our local county fair with what is probably OW and her H. She's a city girl so the fair did nothing for her. We then went out for drinks. Toward the end of the evening, we called my H to ask a question (he was at work) and he ended up going to another bar with us for more drinks. He was a little pissy with me, being a little bitchy. I pretty much ignored it. Ow commented that when she had put her hair in ponytails (as mine was) her H had told her she looked awful. I laughed and said that more guys hit on me when I have them in. My H told me I should get a schoolgirl outfit and I'd get a ton of guys. I said that I didn't need any help in that department. He got very pissy at that point. We left soon after and H scared me by popping up and knocking on my window. I laughed and took off, not really expecting him to come home. On the way, I got a call on my cell and I pulled over to take it. H pulled up next to me and I waved him on. H stayed and when I was done asked what was going on. I told him that I lose reception up the road and I wanted to finish the call before that happened. H took off PISSED, driving 60-70 mph on country roads. D12 was home watching the little ones so I hurried along after him so she wouldn't get the brunt of angry Daddy. When I got in H screamed at me for driving recklessly and threatened to take away my car. He then proceeded to have the hissy fit of all fits, breaking a coffee table in the process. While he was tantrumming, I let him be and focussed on calming the kids who were all awake at this point. After things settled down, I walked into the wreckage of my living room. H came in and ranted a bit more and I validated what he was saying, not losing my temper myself (a first- yeah anger mgmt seminar!) and speaking in a calm voice. Then I told him that I was tired, had had too much to drink and was angry and didn't want to fight. I told him we'd deal with things in the morning. Morning was s1's birthday. I was doing a lot to get ready for the party, so I let him laze in bed all morning without comment. OW came over early to help set up. Things got tense for a bit just before guests arrived due to a joking comment I had made that was taken the wrong way. I left the house for 10 minutes to reset my buttons and things were better. Mom came in and gave H a big hug (thanks Momma!) which was great because H is so worried that everyone hates him. Things went well and eventually H, OW, OW's H, and myself were all sitting around the table having drinks and enjoying ourselves. OW and her H left and my H nicely chatted with me for a few minutes before leaving himself.
I'm going to skip through some stuff and get to Tue. I discovered that OW and her H are headed to D through online conversations with her H. The [censored] hit the fan. H was mad at me for meddling. OW was mad at her H and myself for talking about her private life. After a few days of crap I told OW we needed space.
Last night I went out. My friends were supposed to be in a town nearby, but decided to go to a different town. I was nearly out of gas and had been told by H not to use my debit card without permission. I texted a few times and called a few times and decided to go home. H texted me a message that read: WTF?? And you think you've changed? I responded by leaving a voicemail that I could understand where he was coming from, but that I just needed gas. Later, H came home at 2:45 and bitched me out more re: the calls. I siad I was more than willing to talk to him if he was civil. I explained what was going on. He told me to use common sense. I replied that I had done that last week and had gotten in trouble for using my card. He said just do the right thing. I said so I need to psychically know if I should use the card or not? We laughed. I pointed out that I have changed a lot and that I'm not perfect. He went to bed and locked his door. This is the second or third time he's done that. This morning we got off to a rough start because I asked him why he locked his door at night. After slight bickering for a bit, I apologized for making him feel like he has to lock his door. Then I was on my way out the door. I had to run back in and I stopped by his room to apologize for slamming the door and using an angry tone of voice. I told himthat I didn't think Nov 1 is realistic for me to move as we can't financially swing the rent and car payment. I mentioned the possibility of me getting a job at night if he's home. I pointed out that his own lawyer suggested that if we can get along it would be a better idea for us all to stay here. He said you mean stay married. That actually wasn't what I meant. This is the first time he's said something like that. I did say well, maybe at least untill the baby's in school. I know it wouldn't be easy, but it would be the best financially and stability wise for the kids. Then I thanked him for listening and left. Later, he came home and I had washed out the fridge and loaded the van for the dump- both 180 behaviors. He started in on something and I told him I'd be happy to help if he addressed me civilly. He calmed down and I helped him out. Then he was being pissy, so I grabbed the baby off the floor and went to my room, shutting the door. Not dramatically, just matter of fact. H came to my room and asked if I was pissed. I said I was having a hard time staying level and that I didn't want to fight. H then asked me if I wanted to try a sandwich from our local store. I said sure. I offered to go to the dump and help withthe trash. More 180's! H seemed reluctant so I said I don't have to! H said well yeah why don't you come along. On the way home he pointed out that my "fooling around" with a girl was a double standard because I didn't want him messing around. I was floored. It's true, though. I told him that I felt awful and that I wouldn't do it again because I didn't believe that I should be holding myself to a different set of rules. When we got home, I kept catching himm looking at me. I don't know what's going on. I wish that I could figure things out a little easier. Any input?