Alot of "experts" talk about how if one spouse becomes destructive of the M and stomps on the feelings of the other spouse, the other spouse will latch on to the first person who comes along who appears nice and meets their emotional needs, no matter who they are, even if they're already married, an alcoholic, etc.
Actually, that's a fallacy. There are a lot of factors that can create the conditions for an affair and even "good" marriages are not immune to them.
Even people in loving marriages can fall into affairs. (I think focusing on problems in the marriage only makes it easier to validate a person's decision or ability to "cross the line" and enter into an affair).
I'm not saying you didn't do things or behave in ways that was harmful to your marriage, but according to research I've read they can happen in good marriages too. From what I've read there's a variety of reasons why they occur; the main being an individual's difficulty with setting boundaries (and there can be various reasons for this... i.e. parent's relationships, peers, immaturity, etc...).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
