Sending you all positive energy!!

[Jamesjohn]

Hello to all my DBing friends, as well as all the newcomers. I finally found a free moment to get back on the BB and give you an update. I just wanted to let you know that DBing really does work, and I'm sending you all a hug for the hard work that you're doing right now. Believe me, I know how hard it is to keep hanging on to a M that you have every reason to let go of, but there are more happy endings than you can imagine!

If any of you know my story, or care to read my old threads, you'll see that it took a year from when my H dropped the bomb to when we reconciled. It was the hardest year of my life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. But, with the help of this BB I was able to hang in there - even when everyone around me told me that I should just forget about my H and move on with my life. I kept working on myself, my M, and just about everything I could think of and it paid off - BIG TIME. My H had an EA with a co-worker, during the time we were separated, and my changes weren't enough to drag him away from her. BUT, his love for me came back, even while he was having feeling for the OW. And the fact that I had changed all the things that had bothered him meant that he couldn't just walk away, as he'd envisioned at first (back when I was a "monster" he felt he needed to escape) When their R crumbled, which I think these affairs usually do, he was willing to give our M another try because of all the DBing I'd done over the past year.

I do think my H was in a MLC, compounded by all the stress we were under. But now, he's horrified at what he did. While the whole nightmare was going on, I often said that I felt my H had had a personality transplant. Well, once he made the decision to recommit to the M, it was amazing - it was like my old H came back to his body. I can't describe how strange it's all been. He admits that he was deeply in a midlife crisis and that he truly hopes he doesn't experience anything like that again, either.

Right now, the kids and I have moved into H's apartment while we put our house up for sale. It's a bit small but just temporary, and we feel it's really important that we make a fresh start in a new home. My H is so loving and sweet, it's like a second honeymoon. He says things to me now that I'd dreamed of for the past year - he is very much in love with me again. There are still reminders of the A which have been difficult for me, and I need to spend some time over in Piecing to learn where to go with things right now. But, I have to admit that I'd rather be dealing with this end of things than where I was just a few short months ago.

Anyway, I just wanted to leave you all with one thing and that is that the greatest thing I learned from all this is the power of LOVE and the huge role that positive thinking can play in all this. I made a decision, early on, that no matter how things ended up that I wanted to have a loving R with my H. I knew that we had two children together and that meant that our lives were forever intertwined. I wanted us to have a loving friendship that would be there no matter who entered our lives. I think it was this decision that saved my M.

I'll try and check in as often as possible to help out others, as I was so generously helped out by DB veterans. With moving and selling the house (and I just started a new job last week!) my time is short. But I promise to do what I can. I remember all too well those many dark hours when the only people I could really reach out to were on this BB. If I can do anything to help, or even just to lift you spirits, I'll do what I can. I just want everyone to know that no matter what happens in your M, the very fact that you're here says something special about you.

Hugs,
Gibeon