Quote: But looking back I can say that I wish she was stronger for me. Yes, she tried but I did not see it as much of a try at the time. So, in my case I would not say “could not do it”, I would say “was not strong enough to do it”. And instead of confronting me head on when things bottomed out and boosting me up – she bailed instead and dropped the bomb.
Well said. My W was similar. She 'tried' but because of these weaknesses she wasn't stronger than I was when I was pushing her away.
Years ago a I had a girlfriend whom I dated for about 7 years. I had a real downturn in my life and was pretty beat up. After a couple weeks of my pity party she basically read me the riot act - with love- and told me she KNEW that I wasn't a loser like I was thinking I was and she KNEW that I wasn't going to stay down and she WAS NOT GOING TO LET ME QUIT. She picked me up because she had a voice and she was strong.
Quote: You lend hope to those experiencing a PA. In your case the affair ran its course and was viewed as bad. You were lucky, based on what I read here.
Ah, but I don't believe in 'luck'. I believe in working hard to rediscover yourself, and become the person the WAS knows you to really be.
And then I learned what her REAL issues were, not the 'I don't love you' stuff but the hurts of the past - things I had nothing to do with. Then I made sure I was there for her - even if sometimes it meant being tough while risking that she would run farther away.
In my case, she needed a man who would be there no matter what while she was going through this growth. OM was a loser (like they all are) who was filling a need that I had been filling until my fall. It was hard and painful and I did it anyway. There are several other men on this board who are in similar situations and they are only now starting to see that they married someone who needs their support now more than ever - without enabling their bad behaviors at the same time.
