From the previous topic, talking about the 'in love' crap that the WAS's think is their salvation
Quote: This happens between two people who are emotionally immature and have learned to get their needs fulfilled by others rather than themselves.
After they get together and decided it is 'true love' they proceeded to live in the cloud of 'in love' and make plans to 'be together' like some tragic love story. They ignored their family, kids, jobs all so they can be in pursuit of this long distance romance.
Real people do not fall 'in love' over the phone or through E-mail. All there is is a fantasy person - the real person is someone else entirely.
My W was on the phone or IM'ing 'Mr Wonderful' all the time. Unfortunatly he was banging his girlfriend (who he told W he left - for her) and of course, he never came to see HER but got the benefit of her paying to fly to see HIM. Get the picture?
I think you are being naiive in this case, and certainly are not speaking from a position of experience. There are many of us who have experience in this kind of behavior and it IS a bad thing. There ARE men (and women) who get their emotional 'fix' from others like this. The sad part is that Striker believes he feels what he feels, yet he goes from woman to woman trying to fill that empty spot inside.
In Cherishhers W's case, and HopefulHusband's W and several others, they went through years of being married but hiding the deficit that was inside them.
Once the LBS can't 'carry them' emotionally, maybe because the LBS is going through their own crisis, the WAS gets to the point to where they need that hole filled. Since they don't know how to do it, they were living off the positive energy of the LBS, they run to the first person who says 'I love you' or shows any interest.
The sad part is that the OM in these cases is just as screwed up as they are. You don't "fall in love" over the phone or through E-mail. What you have is a fantasy.
Sure, they get together. like CH's W ran off to see Striver, but the time they spend is ONLY 'good times'. They have no history, they have no real problems - yet.
All of this kind of activity is a reflection on their emotional immaturity and SELFISHNESS.
It's all about her. After all, she 'deserves' to be happy, right? Never mind that she is only unhappy because of her choices. She is only unhappy because when the going got tough in the marriage, she bailed. These kind of women are only happy as long as they are 'getting' and the LBS is 'giving'.
When they don't receive any more, when the LBS has a down turn in their life and can't keep giving and carrying them both, they start looking for that 'fix' somewhere else.
How many of us on this board (men and women alike) married someone who was just a time bomb waiting to go off?
Think about it. From the beginning of your relationship, was you WAS getting their 'up' and 'positive' experiences from you? Were you the one who made life fun? When they were down, did YOU cheer them up all the time? When YOU were down did THEY get down and need YOU to reassure THEM, instead of THEM lifting YOU up?
Something to think about. One thing for sure, if any of you have this kind of experience you may want to remember that you can NOT go forward with your WAS in a 'new' marriage UNLESS they are actively working on this part of themselves.
Otherwise, you'll just repeat this experience because you are not married to a 'whole' person.
