Thanks for all the kind words you have offered. I truly do feel that this has been and continues to be the most difficult, yet personally rewarding journey I have ever taken. Your kind words are the encouragement I need to continue this painful journey of self-discovery. I think it was Ford who said in a previous post, that this is like climbing Mt. Everest. Well, seeing as I love the subject of mountaineering, let's run with that for a moment...
Above 8,000 M is called the death zone - the air is thin and the toll on the human body is immense. This is a cold and lonely place. This is where the true test of self comes in to play. It is a personal battle - in the death zone, you are on your own and it is a test of character and resolve, a battle against one's self to overcome the pain, the fatigue and the agony. This is where one must push his/herself like never before to overcome the challenges - if the ultimate reward is to be achieved.
Well, our sitch's ARE like Mt. Everest and we are in the death zone. We are tired, fatigued and in pain - and we are engaged in a personal test. But the rewards are great.
My Everest continues...
I have just ended an eleven-day stretch with my kids. The last eleven days have been the best eleven days since the beginning of my sitch - although not without it's moments. It was so wonderful to have my kids with me again, in my house where I could see them in the morning, hang out with them, eat dinner together, and tuck them in bed at night. It was so wonderful and I am heartbroken that it has come to an end – back to shared custody. I will miss them...I already do.
I continue to work on myself and I am seeing the rewards. I am far more peaceful than I have been in years; more content to let life happen, to enjoy the small moments and to enjoy my kids. I am learning to not fight life. I have been staying busy, running and exercising a lot (although not so much when the kids are with me) and am in the best physical shape I’ve been in, in years. My dog (was W’s dog) and I are becoming great friends and he is starting to respond to my voice…never was much on obedience, but he’s starting to heel when I tell him to and responds well to me.
In short, I’m making the best of the hand I have been dealt – fixing the things that I don’t like about myself and enjoying the journey we call life. This board has and continues to be an inspiration for me. Without you all, chances are I would have tried to move on without taking the time to learn from my mistakes, to fix the issues in me, and to learn to love completely and unconditionally. I am learning and I am growing. And I will continue to do so. I‘ll tell you this much…I am going to love like I’ve never loved before…for my kids, for me, and ultimately for some very lucky lady; for I will never make the same mistakes again!
