Quote: The second option is one that many on this board opt to take. It is a difficult and painful journey, one full of peril and challenge. You will feel stretched beyond what you believe you can take and yet you will continue to stand. Know this; your efforts will be rewarded as you will be of the few that have the courage to face themselves…you will get to look deep within to see all the ugliness in you. So where is the silver lining, you might ask? You will have a rare opportunity to fix the ugly parts of yourself. You will be a better person, more attune to yourself and your surroundings. You will be preparing yourself to be a much better spouse, lover, friend than you can imagine and this will ONLY come by standing alone and facing the pain, the ugliness and the struggle.
Just remember, at the end of the day, when the dust has settled and the fog has cleared, you can each hold your head high and be secure in the knowledge that you did not quit. You did not take the easy path, the one most traveled. You stood tall and faced the pain head on. You looked deep within to find the worst in you and resolved to conquer your vices. Whether or not your spouse returns, know that what you possess is rare...the courage to stand for what you believe, the inner strength to combat your own demons, and enough love to endure what will most likely be the worst time of your life. I admire each and every one of you for standing tall and not throwing in the towel - for that would be the easy thing to do. Know that you will be rewarded for this painful journey. I know that I have been and will continue to be as I travel this path.
Beautifully worded!
I agree with you...it's a very difficult position to be in, but it's the right position. Facing any issue head-on will cause pain, but will also teach you how to grow stronger. Walking away from an issue teaches you only, how to walk away!
Me - 47
WAW - 41
Married - 9-14-85
Kids - D14 and D12
Bomb - 1-19-06
W moved out - 5-29-06
I'm glad you wrote that. It's easy to doubt yourself when so many others are convinced you should take the easy way out. This little community here is really something special.
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself. Galileo Galilei
CH, I've just started checking back in some threads. I can't believe what I've been reading. I'm sorry someone like you is having to go through this. With all you've done it's just not right. Hang in there brother. This ones got to be quick but I'll be checking back in tomorrow. Glad you and the boys had a good time a Disney.
Your post was so comforting to all of us in so much pain. Sometimes a few encouraging words from a friend can brighten our days. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I'm so glad to hear that you enjoyed your time at Disneyland with the boys. You are a remarkable father. Your boys are very lucky. You've got some great things in your life, despite your current separation.
Hang in there. Fight the fight. You'll be a winner...wait, you already are!
God bless -miss
M 33
WAH 33
M 6 years
No Kids
Bomb 4/21/06
he filed for divorce
he filed for divorce - now what? part I
Hi cherrisher, You do not know me but I know you know Liz7. This is her daughter in law, Ashly. I have posted a message in the this board and really need adivce for her through these tough times for her. Will you please read my message and reply back to me for her. She is looking for advice/ support and would really like to here from you. Thank you so much
So sorry to hear of your mother in-law's (MIL) tough times. I have been looking to see when she would be back on the board. I'll try to find you post now and offer what support I can. Please let her know that she is always in my thoughts - I consider her a dear friend and you are very fortunate to have her for a MIL.
The second option is one that many on this board opt to take. It is a difficult and painful journey, one full of peril and challenge. You will feel stretched beyond what you believe you can take and yet you will continue to stand. Know this; your efforts will be rewarded as you will be of the few that have the courage to face themselves…you will get to look deep within to see all the ugliness in you. So where is the silver lining, you might ask? You will have a rare opportunity to fix the ugly parts of yourself. You will be a better person, more attune to yourself and your surroundings. You will be preparing yourself to be a much better spouse, lover, friend than you can imagine and this will ONLY come by standing alone and facing the pain, the ugliness and the struggle.
Beautifully written ...
I felt stretched beyond the point of break sooooooooooooo many times but kept on just as you state. But I got up brushed my knees off and kept on,, where the strength came from I will never know,, but I think you all here and God helped me more than you will ever know.
You are a wonderful human being and I wish you all the best in your life...Thanks for keeping us posted.
Thanks for all the kind words you have offered. I truly do feel that this has been and continues to be the most difficult, yet personally rewarding journey I have ever taken. Your kind words are the encouragement I need to continue this painful journey of self-discovery. I think it was Ford who said in a previous post, that this is like climbing Mt. Everest. Well, seeing as I love the subject of mountaineering, let's run with that for a moment...
Above 8,000 M is called the death zone - the air is thin and the toll on the human body is immense. This is a cold and lonely place. This is where the true test of self comes in to play. It is a personal battle - in the death zone, you are on your own and it is a test of character and resolve, a battle against one's self to overcome the pain, the fatigue and the agony. This is where one must push his/herself like never before to overcome the challenges - if the ultimate reward is to be achieved.
Well, our sitch's ARE like Mt. Everest and we are in the death zone. We are tired, fatigued and in pain - and we are engaged in a personal test. But the rewards are great.
My Everest continues...
I have just ended an eleven-day stretch with my kids. The last eleven days have been the best eleven days since the beginning of my sitch - although not without it's moments. It was so wonderful to have my kids with me again, in my house where I could see them in the morning, hang out with them, eat dinner together, and tuck them in bed at night. It was so wonderful and I am heartbroken that it has come to an end – back to shared custody. I will miss them...I already do.
I continue to work on myself and I am seeing the rewards. I am far more peaceful than I have been in years; more content to let life happen, to enjoy the small moments and to enjoy my kids. I am learning to not fight life. I have been staying busy, running and exercising a lot (although not so much when the kids are with me) and am in the best physical shape I’ve been in, in years. My dog (was W’s dog) and I are becoming great friends and he is starting to respond to my voice…never was much on obedience, but he’s starting to heel when I tell him to and responds well to me.
In short, I’m making the best of the hand I have been dealt – fixing the things that I don’t like about myself and enjoying the journey we call life. This board has and continues to be an inspiration for me. Without you all, chances are I would have tried to move on without taking the time to learn from my mistakes, to fix the issues in me, and to learn to love completely and unconditionally. I am learning and I am growing. And I will continue to do so. I‘ll tell you this much…I am going to love like I’ve never loved before…for my kids, for me, and ultimately for some very lucky lady; for I will never make the same mistakes again!
Around the time I found out about the Striver situation, W asked me not to post about her or him anymore - it was clearly hurting her and that is the last thing I would want. At that time, I resigned myself to let her go, not to see Striver but to let her go from the standpoint that I would respect her decision to move on. David, I intend to stay true to my promise and will therefore not respond to your questions directly. I will simply add that I am GAL and trying to make the most of my sitch. I fully intend to continue being active on this board - this journey must be about me, for me and my kids, and indirectly for my W. I will try to offer what support I can to others in the process. I really do feel that I will come out of this a better human being, and a better father.
It may be too late, but I'll be damned if it's going to be too little!
