This is RIDICULOUS! I completely agree that this is beyond any claim of jealousy. You're right that its a legitimate safety issue, but it is your W's decision to do this. You can try to talk to her or even ask for assistance from her family or trusted friends. They would have to understand that it is not a wise idea to cross the Atlantic to meet a guy she met on the Internet on a website designed to cater to people who are hurt, emotional, and frequently emotionally susceptible to someone who wishes to take advantage of them.
Did she tell you this? Please don't take this the wrong way, but is there any chance that she is merely playing on your emotions? In the end, she's going to go if she wants to. You need to decide whether this is something you are capable of forgiving. My heart goes out to you and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I'm not sure what this would possibly be, but if there is anything I can do please let me know.
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
May the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Cherrish: Can you give us some more detail on this ? Is this a manic thing of her BP.. How did you find out this info.. who have you spoken to (ie. how the confirmation) ?.. Need more details on this.. otherwise..yeah.. I agree.
I didn't read Striver's sitch, but it kinda makes me wonder. I never thought about it before, but this board would be a great place for a scumbag to make up a story to try to get close to a woman who is in a vulnerable state.
Yes, this could be dangerous and is definitely stupid. Unfortunately, everyone is right; you can't control her.
I'm so sorry to hear this. You've helped so many other people on here. You're a great guy and don't deserve this.
Since C hasn't been able to post yet, I will just say that there is, in fact, confirmation about the trip -- from both parties. So, this is not a rumor or a ploy from his W. It's quite real.
I'm sorry, but not surprised your in this situation. I could almost see the writing on the wall, but didn't say anything. Whenever I thought my situation with my WAW was the worst situation any person could be in, I turned to this board and read even more disturbing and hurtful things human beings are capable of doing to one another. I realized then that maybe my situation wasn't as bad as it could be even though my W is and has been visiting a convicted murderer in a prison an hours drive away.
Now you might understand what I mean about not having a choice but to "walk away" from it to protect yourself emotionally. In my case, I had to walk away but keep VERY close tabs because her bizarre choices and actions in life could effect the personal safety of my kids. This man is currently up for a full parole board hearing. I've made it very clear to her that there will absolutely be trouble in her's and his's life if my kids are exposed to this man. I believe a person could change for the better and reform themselves, but my kids are not going to be the proving grounds for that. You have to set boundaries and rules as far as your children are concerned and make them clear to her. You can't control her actions, but you are obligated to protect your children from them should they pose a risk.
I'm sorry to say your in for a long and painful journey. As bachelorhood has been thrust upon me, I have declared a "code of conduct" to live my life by and my number one rule is not to date a married woman or date a women who is separated, divorced, or dating a friend of mine. This fellow obviously doesn't have any respect for himself considering there are millions of "unattached" woman out there dying for some good company.
I truly believe in karma and what goes around comes around. Both this Man and your W will get theirs in due time I'm afraid to say.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
You know, it just occurred to me that this Striver guy could actually be someone really dangerous. It truly could be that he made up this story so he could lure some weak, depressed woman in order to get her to travel to another country and then rape and kill her.
This is not like meeting someone locally for coffee! She's actually traveling to another country. Unwisely, she's putting herself in a very vulnerable position.
I don't mean to scare you Cherishher, but really anyone could be on the other end of those emails. Hopefully your wife will be careful and let people know where she is. Of course, that doesn't guarentee anything. The whole thing could be a set-up. She could still travel there all trusting, he could act nice, pretend to be honest, stick something in her drink, sell her off to be gang raped and then murder her.... and he could then disappear and never be caught.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
From one of myposts in January. In my sitch, OM was an Emotional Predator. I found this interesting stuff. You may find the OM or OW in these descriptions...
This web page has some interesting descriptions of various types of predators.
From "How to Avoid a Dangerous Man before you get involved" by Sandra L. Brown
____________________________________________
Red Alert Behavioral Checklist
The emotional predator:
has a natural instinct for sensing vulnarable or "sensitive" women
senses women with low self esteem
senses women who want or require relationships in order to feel needed or fulfilled
senses women who are bored, lonely, or needy
senses women who are on the rebound from having been recently dumped, divorced, emotionally ignored, or wounded
senses women's body and eye language
listens closely to what a woman says in order to pick up clues he can use in later conversations
senses unfulfilled physical intimacy needs and sexual needs
creates a sense of fun and mystique to draw you in
is smooth and seems to have all the right lines and insights into you
comes on fast and strong and sweeps you off your feet
is overly interested in every detail of your life
wants to move in together or get married quickly
implies that he "knows" you well before he has spent enough time to really get to know you
pushes you to quickly disclose a lot about yourself to him
tries to fulfill your physical, financial, or emotional needs
seeks to fill roles in your life, such as advisor, father figure, spiritual leader, mentor
is overly helpful, comforting and understanding
has the exact same interests, values, hobbies, etc that you do
is a chameleon who can be all things to all people
I'm so sorry to see you in this situation. You've been a help to so many people on this BB, you're a great and caring person, and quite frankly, she just doesn't deserve someone like you.
You've mentioned your wife's BP. Has she been on meds? Has she recently stopped taking them? Perhaps this could be the reason for her recent bad judgement of deciding to take a trip to see Striver.
I actually see that this could work in your favor! I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that she will get to the UK, spend a few hours and realize that the grass is not greener. I can almost guarantee it!
I am so sorry for the pain you must be feeling. We're all here for you, my friend. Lean on us and please let me know if I can do anything to help.
God bless, MMH
M 33
WAH 33
M 6 years
No Kids
Bomb 4/21/06
he filed for divorce
he filed for divorce - now what? part I
That you are everything Mr C has told me, and of course everything that I already know (cos we are married after all !! ) and a whole lot more asides.
You are both very welcome at mine anytime. As you know Mr C and I have become quite good friends as a result of this site. Just one of its many merits.
Or if you fancy a vacation on your own?? I will try and remember to be on my best behaviour!
I think you know we would get along just fine!!
That said, if I can be of any help to you guys at all, in any way, just let me know. C has my mail address if you need it.
As I said, we - none of us - are perfect. Relationships flourish by experience and understanding. I am sure you will find what your heart truly desires. I sincerely hope so. And I think that maybe what you truly desire is coming to fruition. But these things do take time. As I asked of you before, please dont give up on us (!) yet.
