I really admire your honesty
Cool - thank you, that means a lot. I used to be a person who loved to paint everything in its best light (and would secretly throw up after becoming such a doormat). Now I work towards balancing maintaining that positivity, while still being genuine about the uglies that are in everyone's lives and hearts. I've found that being honest about my shortcoming or fears or problems has really improved my relationships with my girlfriends (my family not as much - we're very close but I think they miss Old Anna a bit - she was very sweet and compliant) as now they feel like they can be very open with me too without fear of judgement. I always thought that admitting to unpleasant things would just make life, well, less pleasant. But it's a bit of emotional housecleaning that actually makes my world a much better place.

did I just want to prove that I could take him back from OW
Ah yes, an ugly truth that may lurk in the hearts of more DBers than will admit it. I was bound and determined that I was simply a good person who loved unconditionally and was faithful to her vows. But I fantasize a lot more about the moment when he admits he wants me back than fantasizing about what it would be like having him back in my home. For one thing, I'd have to surrender closet space! I'd have ugly "Buffalo Bills" magnets back on my pristine fridge! I'd have to live without WOA! (I shamelessly thrive on flattery - it will get you everywhere, to the delight of several boys in my high school )

It was fun when I felt that he was talking to me behind her back and then when he basically asked me to end it for him. I remember one day laughing "HA HA I had become the OW."

I believe that is pretty much a direct quote that I've made on several occasions . And I've learned that being the OW really *is* a lot more fun! You get all the good stuff and none of the fights or tensions or BS. But it's no more real between us than it is between them. It's all make-believe.


But I think the greatest release for me was in finding someone.

I wonder about this. It's certainly something that sounds very appealing. And it would really help me move on and leave him behind. I've had a couple of flirtations that were very heady experiences, and did help me move away from him. My problem is that I've never been alone - been with Rob since we were 18, and it was a VERY codependent R. When we weren't at work (or school in the early years), we were rarely in different ROOMS, let alone doing things separately. I know that I'll never have a R like that again, but I still feel like I should be single for quite awhile so that I can really get to know who Anna is when I'm alone before I become coupled again. (unless I'm using that and not wanting to introduce a new person into the angelbabies' lives as an excuse because I'm just a great big chicken - also entirely possible). However, that doesn't preclude dating lots of cute boys! Now I just have to stop freezing the cute boys out!

The only concern I have is right now your H has the best of both worlds... loving Anna who is there and gives him his Anna fix and then the OW who does whatever the hell it is that she does ;-

Big time! But it's more important the effect it has on my psyche and my life rather than going dark to punish him (which my absence from anyone's life is a punishment close to torture! ) or to prove a point. He might be the biggest cake-eater going, but I'm the one who keeps baking those damn cakes! I am insanely curious to know whether he misses me once I'm gone, however....