I don't know if this helps, but I think we need to look at our husbands as having a "mental condition." We can be loving and supportive, but because of their mental states we have to let go of expectations. We have to look at them as currently in a process working through things and hope that within a certain time frame they figure it out.

At some point you may want to decide on the timeframe you want to devote to the marriage. Personally, I'd probably give it a generous timeframe. I'd allow my husband a good amount of time to figure things out (because I've had a long marriage which has been pretty good overall and he deserves my patience and support).

In the meantime I'd definitely concentrate on me; work on some personal goals, career goals, maybe go back to school and learn something new, start a business, etc...

BTW, what is your husband getting out of the A? What needs is OW fufilling? Any way to create that in your M?

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.