Let Loose on EA or bust my GAL???????

[cat03]

WAs it was a big part of your H's reconnection to you when he sought help?

No, he was depressed BIG time, he'd talk to me and tell me how miserable he was, I helped him find drs and therapist, (while away on the on-off R w/op) he'd still go back to her, I was just his emotional blanket

they just need the stroking from the EA and is still in his own little poor me world.?

Could be, they are so down in the dumps that they might still try to make the A their answer, but many times not even that would help my H, I have never seen him as miserable as when he was away

but was there a time when your H appreciated you bringing up the depression issue or seeking help?

During our 8yr M, he has had 2 really bad depression episodes, the first time we had a great pastor who directed him to dr and meds. It didn't work and he stopped the meds, so after that he never wanted anything to do with drs or anti-d meds. I knew it'd anger him if I suggested a dr. Only when he was away and was utterly miserable he did agree to C and meds

The very first C we saw explained to us how depression works: the first time it hits you you fall in a small hole, you stay there a little but eventually you get out of it. Second time, it's a bigger hole, you stay there longer, but you do get out of it too w/time. The third time it's such a big hole you can't get out or it takes you forever, that's when meds would really help.

I so understand how you want to help but are unable, it's something he has to do on his own, I highly recommend the book "talking to depression" got it from the library and thought me now to say things that belittle their pain such as "it isnt' so bad" "it will be OK dont' worry". They mostly tell you to listen and not to downgrade their pain.

It is so hard seeing them this way, one wants to help but there is only so much you can do before you are depressed yourself, so remember that, don't drag yourself down, he will have to fight this on his own.

I also agree whole-hearltly with Just_me, it isnt' fair to you to know he still contacts op, a body can only take so much.