I suck when it comes to this aspect of DBing. I understand the snooping-I did it too-but I'm not sure I can understand the keeping silent about it. To me it comes down to what's important for you and your continued growth. Is it having a husband physically present and occasionally intimate or is it the whole ball of wax-the emotions as well as the physical? But I suppose over time that things will either improve until you can have it all or you'll get tired of this charade and go your own way.
My feeling is that he's found a successful way of getting you off his back. He gets upset at you and runs away, comes back, mutters an apology, and poof, problem gone, the subject of OW is dropped. I'm not saying continue the argument with him about the OW, but at some point you might have to search your soul and determine if this way is right for you. You may find that you need to confront him with what you know and say that you can't live this way anymore-either get with the program, discontinue contact with OW, or get out. The OW may just be a symptom, but it isn't your fault, and it's an impediment to any progress. Your H's problems aren't your own, but you still control what you do with your life and what you want out of it. At some point, if this doesn't stop, I would think you'd start to consider whether this half-marriage is really what you need for a fulfilling life. Besides, kicking him to the curb might be the incentive he needs to actually wake up and take ownership of his problems.
Just idle rambling for the day.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
