Dauphne, thanks for you thoughts. I also saw your recent posts, and yes do see many similaritys.
I also believe, no I know, H still emails and phones the OW, and I wrestle constantly about waiting it out, or speaking up. Many times I think that telling H I know about continued contact would help myself. As you say, this is not how a married man acts, this is not healthy for our own R, and it is plain dangerous and NOT right.
Yes, H and I had small talk--for him any talk is huge and straining, and the positives for me are the ILY's, ML, and talking baby steps for a closer R. However we did not speak at all about the continued EA he is having with her. For myself I do think H thinks he does not want to loose this R with her, this stroking of his ego, that H may think can stay "his friend", but I am alsway reminding myself that a PA was present before and very well could be now or in the future.
So many times I want to ask him if he ever thinks of the danger and hurt it puts on myself and the M, by any continued R with the OW, but in the back of my mind, I know H must come to this conclusion and I cannot make him. For myself, I am continuing on my watchful, but cautious piecing and daily reminding myself what I must continue to do for ME, for me to better my own journey.
But in the meantime I, like you, feel I am constantly vigilant. You mentioned the text on his cell that his former OW coming in, I also still check my H's email every few weeks to see what is up. Another way I look at is, if I ever tell H I know his computer password, or for yourself if your H aware you see his cell, there goes the window for us to be aware of reality.
Do you feel stronger when you look, knowing you are keeping your eyes open to monitor the whole situation and not blindly accepting all they say and do as the total truth? I feel whether it helps or hurts my attitude, I need to be in touch with reality and if these ego centered H's need their OW to maintain their stroking, then yes it does empower me to stay strong for myself.
But at the same time I would not blurt out that I know about the vulture OW lurking on the sidelines. I use this info. to remind myself to keep DB.
So sorry you are also seeing this and know your H's OW coming in this month. Remind yourself as I constantly do of all the positives you have made, I would tell you to keep a "wait and watch" approach and continue to be the loving, confident person he chose to be with.
I would love others to add their thoughts on how they are piecing with WAS while we, the LBS are aware the OP is still a part of thier lives, be it PA or EA?
