Hi jeanb, My sitch is the same as yours (except I don't get any ILY's). H moved out and lived with OW for 4 months. She had to move out of the country, and he moved back home. Has been home now for a year. The first 4 months he was still depressed, and sent messages to OW regularily. In Dec. I discovered messages to OW2 (EA "only"), and in May OW3, after which I confronted him and he dismissed the messages as "jokes". He said OW's are his friends, and it's none of my business anyway. After I told him I had seen the messages in May, he has erased everything from his phone. So now I don't know if he has been contacting OW's. I think he doesn't call them in person, he doesn't like talking in the phone. But the messages stroke his ego. If I didn't know about the contact, I'd think things are really good for us. Otherwise they are.
So I don't really have any advice for you... I wish I knew better. I keep hoping that when we make even more progress, he won't need the secret messages anymore. Other times I feel I should make a stand and tell him to start behaving like a married man. But I think he should figure it out by himself. But then again, will he ever?
I'm glad talking about it worked for you, even just a little bit. My H also has a tendency to run...
