Hi MamaBear, This reminds me of a "pre-bomb" conversation I had with my H, when he was already having an A but had not revealed it to me yet. We had an argument about something small, and he went through the roof when I told him I didn't think he was being honest about his feelings about it. I have never seen him so angry, indignant that I thought he would EVER lie. Of course when the A was revealed, that explained a lot of the defensive angry behavior I had witnessed prior. In retrospect, I think their behaviors are so unacceptable to their own values, that they are just completely split and in denial. IMHO, it is a sign of healing when they are able to talk about and admit what they have done. Just like an alcoholic in a 12 step program, that admits it publically. I'm not sure if you are looking for that from your H someday, but I will have to have that with mine, to know we are on the road to healing. Meanwhile, it is good that you know he has a value about that. One day when the time is right, and you have reestablished trust, hopefully you will be able to address the issue together and so he can apologize, as I believe the healing will not be totally present until that happens and he expresses remorse and you have said you forgive him.
Meanwhile, agreeing on the value you share is good, Mama!
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
