I'm so sorry...I know what that feels like (remember my sagas?).
Just keep trucking along....you have no idea what is going on with him leaving her, breaking it off. It's gotta be tough (not that you have to sympathize for the fool) breaking off an A with someone you WORK with....geez.
I think when they make moves to come back, we expect ALL contact to be frozen....but we don't take into account that they have to break it off, and that takes a few conversations, etc. Just look at Jokerman's situation, she was calling all the time and I'm sure they talked a bit to end things.
No doubt he is coming back to you. What happened happened, deal with that later between the two of you. For now, let him end things without your interference...JM is right, he has to do this b/c he wants to not out of force from your part, you don't want that either, knowing your H is with you b/c you forced him.
This will come to an end soon. You are in the winning column now, take heart in that. Stay busy, be cheery, and be inviting. There will be a day that you express to H how much hurt he caused you, and how awful it was, and he will be on his knees asking for forgiveness and you will both talk about it all clearly.
Until then, you're still in the game. Put your game face on and keep trucking. You didn't come this far to lose now.
Quote: This will come to an end soon. You are in the winning column now, take heart in that. Stay busy, be cheery, and be inviting. There will be a day that you express to H how much hurt he caused you, and how awful it was, and he will be on his knees asking for forgiveness and you will both talk about it all clearly.
I cannot wait for that day. Really ALL I want is an apology. I want to hear him say he is sorry for everything he put me thru and that he will NEVER do it again. Then we can move on and I will never bring it up again. As it stands I feel like it is being pushed under the rug. I want to sweep it right out the door and get closure, ya know what I mean?
Give it some more time and take a long hard look at yourself. Do you blame yourself for this again? Is there something you can do to forgive yourself for this? I know this is not easy for you - but try and acknowledge that this is even more difficult for him, even if he did get himself into this situation.
If this is being swept under the rug then your relationship has not started anew. Give it time so he can become disentangled with OW completely and then start your new relationship. You will address this in time - it's very important that you talk it through. Hang in there!
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
Question:
Once WAS is done with OP and you are piecing your M back together is it normal that they are not very physically affectionate with you?
Should I talk to him about it, ask him if it makes him uncomfortable?
H and I used to hug, kiss and hold hands alot. Last night when I was leaving to go to work I gave the 3 kids a hug and a kiss and stepped toward H to give him a hug/kiss too but he stepped back from me so I didn't do anything. Is this normal? Will this pass or will it be like this from now on?
It won't be like that forever - he's still in withdrawal and is having a hard time internally. Hang in there, be patient and don't allow yourself to get your feelings hurt. It'll get better soon.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
That's a tough call - I'm inclined to say not, just give him plenty of space. I think it might put more pressure on him to have to consider you considering him - although it might relieve him to know you are. Tough. Just know that whatever you do, it'll be the right thing.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
Mama, I am curious. Maybe I missed you talking about this, but what happened the day after, and the day after that, etc? Have you been close to ML again or just nothing at all? Do you feel like you will again soon or no?
As for talking or not, I think that talking usually puts pressure on the sitch but then again, NOT talking may keep some important piece of info hidden from one of you, i.e. maybe he is just waiting for, say TONIGHT to make his move, or maybe he doesn't know you want to ML again NOW.
It's really hard to say. On one hand, you don't want to nag but on the other you don't want to stifle your feelings forever.
I think it all comes down to where you see your R at right now. If you are both 100% committed to making things work, then maybe more convo is what you need. If he is still working through some guilt, or even hesitating in terms of his committment, then talking could make things worse.
Sucks, but that's the life we live right now. It won't ALWAYS be this way and I really think you are making progress. Just make sure your impatience (and that's what it really is) doesn't get the best of you. You've waited this long, and the rest of "life" is getting better (isn't it?) so maybe just keep taking the actions you're taking and if the time feels right, talk to him. If it doesn't, just keep living.
Quote: I am curious. Maybe I missed you talking about this, but what happened the day after, and the day after that, etc? Have you been close to ML again or just nothing at all?
Nothing happened. He hasn't tried again nor has he brought it up. We didn't talk before, during or after. Then later in the week I find out he is back talking with her and possibly meeting with her again. Makes me really feel like crap. Like did I do something wrong or am I no good in bed. Ya know? It almost hurts more than if we didn't do anything at all. Although, we really haven't had the opportunity since then since my H's back has been giving him problems and our youngest always ends up in our bed along with at least 1 very big dog and a cat or two.
I'm inclined to leave it alone right now. The #1 message I get on this board in almost every sitch is PATIENCE, patience and then more patience. If I see that he starts to go out again after work then I will probably say something; like GET THE F OUT!!! How does the saying go? "Hurt me once, shame on you. Hurt me twice, shame on me"
It's too easy to blame yourself. It's not healthy to blame him. So where does that leave you? I really don't think his bouncing back and forth has anything to do with you. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable - and ML sure give you reason to think that things are better/getting better. Just remember, if you have not laid down any ground rules yet in your new R, he's not actually breaking any agreements. You're not at that stage yet, so don't kick him to the curb because you allowed yourself to believe your expectations of the status of your relationship is something you didn't both agree on. Keep being patient. You'll have the chance to talk, set everything straight and then move on. All in good time. Hang onto that afterglow - many of us here are really jealous!
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
