Jokerman,
If my H is anything like you, which I believe you share a lot of the same qualities and characteristics, then I will take what you say at face value; H still has leftover feelings for OW but at the same time (because I am so wonderful ) feels guilty about what he has done.

We haven't been intimate since November (bomb was dropped in Oct of 2005), H said he "just couldn't". We now cannot seem to connect at all . It's funny because when we were dating and engaged our friends and family would say "stop with the PDA! (public displays of affection). We couldn't get enough of eachother. Tonight though, when he went to bed he made a point of coming to me and giving me a hug goodnight .

PL, you are so kind! Words cannot express what a wonderful person you are. Your words made me realize what a wonderful person I am too, what a great life I have and how much I have to be thankful for. This site is so precious to me as I have made so many friends, that are for real. I don't believe I have come across anyone that was full of $&it, ya know? What I really wish for now is for H to open up to me. I don't see how we can work on our R if he won't talk to me. He seems to have a real problem with the fact that I was married before and the lifestyle he "thinks" I led. Because my first H left me he feels that I married him on the rebound. He feels like if my first H never left me I would still be married to him. How many different ways can I tell him that that marriage was doomed from the start and would have ended no matter what? When I met my H, he saved my soul, he showed me that there are good people in this world. He made me realize that I could have a relationship with someone who shared the same ideas, morals, goals and dreams as I did. Why can't he understand this? How do I get him to understand this? He feels like second best, this is so far from the truth. If I had to pick anyone on this earth to be the father of my 3 children, it would be him; he is a wonderful, loving, fun and caring Dad! No one could replace him, ever. There is no one that I would want to go through the rest of my life with either. We have already been through so much together; as I stated earlier I have had 2 miscarriages and 1 stillborn. My H was the most loving and supportive person in the world. I cannot fathom having anyone else sharing that pain with me.

Anyway, as much as it hurts sometimes; it doesn't hurt near as much as it did this past winter when he was staying out all night doing God knows what, right? I am very gratful that he has decided to stay in this M. I will continue to live my life and be the best wife and mother I can be without shoving it in his face, if you know what I mean. The last thing I want to do is make him feel even more uncomforable. God I love this man! I hope some day down the road I am here giving advice and telling my happy ending story!!