I have been missing you. I am sorry to see you are hurting right now. I am in the process of getting a special private e-mail address set up on my computer so I can write to you. That will be fun! I have some thoughts about your sitch, though to post here for now.
What you are going through is sooooo normal. It is often when the WAS returns that the LBS starts questioning what did I do this for? Because it doesn't get easier right away. It gets harder. H is back, so what? I feel like doodoo is how it goes. I could do better. Blah blah. But three months ago, reading anyone else's sitch you would have given anything for this chance to revitalize your M.
Your H loves you. But seriously, how much will depend on YOU. I am not kidding. The vizualization thing suggested earlier is right on. Pay attention to your thoughts, because you will create what happens from what you think will happen. Want a happy marriage? Start picturing all of the aspects of what that would look like. Write it down. Collage it. Your M will never be what it was before, but truly that is the good news. You have a chance now, from the ashes of the dysfunction of what was, to CREATE something. What do you want to create? It starts with you. And don't blame H if you're not hugging him in the morning. Just think about how he might respond if you wrote him one of those little notes, then got up in the am and said "I just want to give you a hug, because you're so great!" Some stuff is just irristable, you know? But don't expect anything, do what you want to do and let go of the expectation about the outcome. I have had a big internal breakthrough about this this week, and I will post to my thread later tonight. But I can tell you, I am back in action, and my future is up to me. I want you with me Mama! You have worked too hard to give in to cynicicism and resignation now. So what if your H came back initially for the kids or the family life? YOU are irristable if you say so. And it will show up that way. Do you get that? You are one of the finest women I have had the privilege to come into contact with. Loyal, kind, loving, fun loving, all of that. Time to shine Mama.
What are you going to do for yourself today?
I've gotta go, I'll write more later. Just wanted you to know that it's time to pump up the volume, not to pull up the covers. You can do this Mama! It's not about him. I am rooting for you.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
