Today was another interesting day in my long string of interesting days in my Sitch of Hope. I worked side-by-side (literally) all morning in the same room as my W. She asked me to assist her on some of her items and I just kept working away despite W's interruptions. NP really.
At some point, W tells me she wants to see our children tonight (MY night) and I ask her if she wants to know my true thoughts? She says that if I am going to say NO, that she will lose it. She then tells me that MY vendetta against her is only hurting the children. I tell her MY vendetta? You are the one who has a vendetta; against me! She tells me she does not have a vendetta against me, that she has been nothing but nice. I ask her what have you done to show me that you DON'T have a vendetta against me? She says NOTHING. I say, exactly.
It's troubling that she sees her demands as friendly requests . I was considering which answer was best and I told her I will give her my answer. She took what I said to mean NO and she left work and picked up our children early. She sent me a text message that she picked up our children and that she'd bring them to me at 7:00pm.
As I was leaving, I called her to discuss where she would be with the children and made the mistake, like I have often done, of asking W about the details of her life. I asked how she was getting to the airport. Honestly, my outlook on the subject is that it is better for me to KNOW than to NOT know what is up! What W told me is that OM is taking her to the airport and then she told me that OM is actually going to Hawaii with her after the drama at her house. THIS, after W told me that she broke up with OM and that he was NOT at her house on Fri morning when I asked her about his car out front. Oh well, at least I KNOW what I know. No wondering. Easier to plan my life from strength rather than blindness.
W starts to tell me about 'heavy drama' at her house last night regarding OM going to Hawaii with her again rather than OM's sister and then she stopped, saying you probably don't want to hear this. I said, you're right. It is not my concern. I hope you are happy in your life and with your choices.
When W brought our children to me, I saw her parking and I went out to meet her. She immediately questioned WHY I came out to meet her and she continued on inside. She was suspicious that I was trying to hide the fact that I had 'someone' in my place. I didn't have anyone in my place. I never do. Another misplaced suspicion of hers. I tell her that I need to talk with her and we go back out to her car. I tell her that I feel it is best that we put our agreement in writing and go forward with a formal separation thru the mediator. I tell her my reasons; that she has proven herself to lack character and integrity and that she has also proven herself to be a chronic liar.
She gets pissed and tells me that I cheated on her. I am finding her incessant shoving THAT in my face amusing. I know that my affair is a symptom of our M problem, not THE problem. W tries to justify her 9 months of acting so poorly on my affair, as though she had NO choice in making her choices and in her behavior. Of course, I FORCED her to act this way by having the affair. More finger pointing and NOT taking responsibility for her own behavior. Interesting, but sad. She leaves telling me that she is not going to take MY abuse. My poor W is so delusional. Reality is such a foreign concept to her.
She later send me two text messages saying that I am trying to keep her fchildren rom her when I KNOW she is leaving for 10 days. My response is that I am NOT trying to keep her children from her. In fact, Friday evening was the FIRST time that I said no to her and look at the sh*t storm I am treated to. I tell her, YOU have known for weeks that you were leaving for 10 days and you haven't made plans AHEAD of time to spend more time with our children. You expect to tell me what you want at the last minute and for me to just bend over to accomodate you. You saw D this weekend and that was at HER request, NOT yours. W says that she wasn't going to ask me to see our children again on Sunday because I had already told her NO on her Friday to her request to see them before she went ahead with her 'plans' for later Fri evening. More blame for Tom. Fantastic! She is so averse to taking responsibility for what she does and doesn't do. My thought? Grow the F up! Act your F-ing age!
I also asked her again to pick the holidays she wanted to spend with our children this year and I would take those holdidays next time. She said she's not going to pick holidays, that I should do it if I wanted to do so. I do. I will give her one last opportunity to have first pick. If she won't, then I will. Unfortunately, this is what D smells like. Yuck.
It will be interesting. MIL will return from her trip while W is in Hawaii with OM. I'll need to bring MIL up to date because W will bring her up to date with W's twisted version of reality. Better yet, I'll tell MIL to let me know when W brings her up to date and THEN I will tell her MY verson of what happened. Strange side note: about 1 week before MIL left on her trip, she says that I should plan on going over to Hawaii with her (MIL) and my children. MIL said she considered W's trip to Hawaii as wiping our her available vacation time. Yikes! W is her daughter and W's behavior rubs MIL wrong. Interesting. MIL won't say anything to W, but interesting nonetheless.
So this is where I am. I am not the best DBer in the world, but I can say that on this BB I have gained a sense of self. I have rebuilt my self-esteem. I have learned whtat it truly means to be a man. I have grown to acknowledge that I have a right to be treated respectfully. Perhaps my W will decide to walk us through the D door. OR, perhaps she will get a huge helping of guilt and humble pie AND begin living within her integrity. At least that is my hope. Again, thanks for listening.
I was considering which answer was best and I told her I will give her my answer. She took what I said to mean NO and she left work and picked up our children early. She sent me a text message that she picked up our children and that she'd bring them to me at 7:00pm.