today was uneventful. I had a little bit of upset but not much. I am working on reminding myself that treading water or staying in place and holding my own is actually a positive in my sitch when I consider where I was 8+ months ago or evenless than two months ago.
When I look at my calendar and put all that has happened in the last two months, I am amazed at my strength and patience that God has bestowed upon me. At the end of August, W was set on forcing our D through come hell or high water. In her mind, we were done; put a fork in us. In her mind she didn't 'feel' married and acted accordingly. It is only through God's loving hand, grace and mercy that I have survived up until now despite my W not only NOT giving me any sign that I was doing the right thing in keepin' on keepin' on in the GOOD FIGHT for our M, she actually worked diligently and devilishly hard to get me to give up; to quit. This went on up until this past Monday when she told me she was done running around and acting crazy. She also told me that her MySpace page and persona is the work of her alter-ego, NOT the real her.
At first, I was very skeptical of her and her proclamations of changing. Because of my overriding skepticism, I backslid and backslid hard. I have truly walked by FAITH even when I cannot see in my sitch of hope. One other thing has become crystal clear in my journey to save my M, my 'handle' of HH is totally appropriate, I truly have been and still am a Hopeful Husband. One other thing, my counselor gave me a writing called Symptoms of Inner Peace (by Saskia Davis): The some of the symptoms listed are:
Quote: A tendency to thing and act spontantandeously rather than based on past experience. A loss of interest in judging other people. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others. An increasing tendency to LET things rather than to MAKE things happen...
These symptoms really sunk in for me as I search for my own sense of inner peace, especially as I work to reconcile my feelings about my W and M and my whole sitch. Those four really struck home with me about my feelings toward myself, my W and my M. No one has control over my feelings except me and I love my W more now than ever and I STAND for what is right. I STAND for God's will. I STAND to help insure that my family will be a bold proclamation and testament to the power of FAITH and prayer; the glory, power, mercy, and grace of God!
For those of you who have been following my sitch, please stop reading and take a moment and pray for me to have infinite patience to STAND. Pray for my W to be strong enough to withstand the onslaught of the enemy and to have the openness to receive God's message the the will to make His will a reality through her own free will. Pray for our children to survive this sitch with as little memory and scarring as possible. Thank you. Amen.
As I quoted recently, pray is NOT preparation for the greater work. Prayer IS the greater work. Hallejuah.
I am done for tonight. Please keep us in your thoughts.
One other thing, my counselor gave me a writing called Symptoms of Inner Peace (by Saskia Davis): The some of the symptoms listed are: