Need Help Staying on my Feet, Pt. 6

[Still_Standing]

Amy, my love, you have once again hit my sitch with marksman's (marksWOMAN'S?) aim. Thnk you for your timeliness and accuracy. My sitch is not nearly as unique as originally thought and often times still do think it us because, I like so many othesrs, cannot see the forest for the trees!

"...though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: for the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through
God to the pulling down of strongholds".
2 Corinthians 10:3-4

Yes,the weapons of our warfare are truly NOT carnal, but spiritual. I converse with God daily for the strengthening of my and my W's resolve to persevere through the pulling down of strongholds to win this war. I will not surrender. I pray to Jesus to lay his hands upon me and to steady me in the face of the enemy's storm that he has unleashed upon me anew today. I lay my injured W and fractured M at the foot of the cross so that, bathed in His precious and holy blood, my W, my M and my family sanctified, strengthened, solidified and resurrected in His glory.

The enemy has a stronghold in your wife's life in the form of OM, you can bet the enemy is going to come after the breakthrough your wife had a few days ago, and he will likely come in the same manner that he's already got your wife bound.

Come he did through his minion, OM, and I was made aware of their plans to go to Hawaii to MIL's condo in November. W felt the need to tell me about it today, telling me that she knew I would not be happy, even though she hadn't solidified the acutal dates. I told her that I wasn't unhappy (thinly veiled lie) about that and then gave the true nature of my feelings when she revealed that she didn't yet know the actual dates, but that they would be gone. I blew up, asking her pointedly and angrily, then why the f*ck did you tell me now? So you could tell me twice?" She, of course, backpedaled facetiously, insisting that she was trying to do what was best my telling me now. I didn't and don't believe that she had altruistic reasons for dumping this [censored] on me on the day before her birthday. In the enemy's own sick mind, the timing was planned to be extra hurtful.

I had convinced myself that I couldn't be hurt any more than I already had been hurt in my sitch, especially with her insistence that we are finished. After our breakthrough counseling session (in my mind) with Vernetta I let down my guard, dropped my self-preservation blanket of caution and threw it to the winds for the enemy to find me naked and ashamed in my exposed weakness and ego. Pride, my long lost companion of the enemy had snuck back into my mind and life and hit me in the back of the head like a thunderbolt sledgehammer. I am still smarting from that thunderous crushing jolt and I am still dizzy and woozy, not so much wondering WHAT hit me, but wondering how I could be so naive and blind to let the enemy circle behind and blindside me so quickly and quietly. Well, I've had my regrets about backsliding in that moment and in several moments while alone thereafter, but luckily I did not seek W out to make an awful mistake even worse with ill intention and malice in my heart.

It is your job to pray her THROUGH.

I will, my knees will callous from my honest and earnest efforts to praise Him for his work and to invite him to continue to rule my life more completely than I have previously allowed up 'til now.

That's your role.

To PRAY.

Upon relating the Hawaii news to my good friend, he told me that he thought it may be time to take off my wedding ring and hand it to my W and tell her that my ring is meaning less and less to me over time. He said he's NOT telling me WHAT to do, but was saying what he felt by watching what I have endured and continue to endure in my sitch. I actually took my ring off, placed it in my right hand, was in W's presence and just couldn't do it because I will walk by FAITH, even when I cannot see! I won't let my W, or any other person for that matter, dictate to me when I am done. I will be done when I am done. Standing there, my wedding ring in my right hand, God reached down and filled my depleted reservoir of resolve full and I put my wedding ring back on my finger and simply said goodbye. No drama. I continue to STAND. I felt my mane, reared up and roared in my heart mind and soul. I am a LION! With God's grace, love and strength, we will pull down the enemy's stonghold in my W and any other strongholds the enemy may bring upon us. My job is to pray my W THROUGH this valley of the shadow of death and fear no evil. I know what evil is all around me, but I fear no evil because I know Who walks with me every step of the way.

Not to take the enemy down on your own.
That is foolish.
Of yourself, you can not defeat him.

You have to pray.
And praise God for the work He has already accomplished.

Lord, please forgive my spiritually youthful overzealous exhuberance and my wanting to spread my spiritually young wings and leap from the nest of God strength on my own for I do NOT know what I do not know. And so, once again, as I find myself so often these days, I drop to my knees in praise and thanks to converse with Our Father and invite Him, once again, to rule my life, reveal His will to me and gently guide me in the proper direction. I choose more of Jesus and less of me.

Now, what you are experiencing in the silence after the awesome counseling session Thursday, is something we've all seen before.

The silence after what we see as such a breakthrough can be devastating and THIS is precisely where your faith is tested to the utmost.
It's not in the waiting FOR the breakthrough, as we all surely thought at first.
No.
It's in the mindnumbing calm that follows it that we almost get driven out of our minds.

I haven't seen it before. I am floored, dazed and hurt again. The silence is deafening. Her footsteps running away from me are ghostly quiet.

But rest.
Be still and know that He is God and the work He has begun in you, He is faithful to complete.

No weapon formed against you or your family shall prosper.

I will rest, in the knowledge that NO weapon formed against me and my family will prosper. I STAND because I BELIEVE! My FAITH grows stronger every day! God comes to rescue me from collapsing under the intense weight of my sadness, hurt and breaking heart, to reassure me, as Frank tells me, that I have the power to manifest what I desire in my life. I only need to make it so. And, I need to rest assured when I am done, that I have done all that is within MY power and that others in my life have their own free will. Over my W's free will, I have not paower, I simply pray that God will make His will known to my W in whatever way she is ready to receive and THEN the CHOICE is still up to her. As you told me, my job is to pray her THROUGH. I will continue to praise God and express my gratitude for the work He has already accomplished. That is my JOB! My family will prosper, I hope that my W chooses to prosper with me and our children. Sadly, I understand that THAT choice is hers and when I have done all that I am capable of doing, God will tell me to let her go without remorse, without sadness, without anger. I continue to give my W the benefit of the doubt. She will make it thorugh with God at her side if she so chooses.

Now tell the enemy so.
Does he know that YOU KNOW who you are in Christ?
Be sure to tell him.
Loudly.

Thank you for telling me that part of my JOB is to TELL the enemy what is so. I have begun and I won't stop until the fightin' is finished. With God at my side, we will prevail in this war with the enemy and his minions. God will tell me when the fightin' is finished OR when our victory is obvious and the REAL work of redemption, restoration, rebuilding, and reconciliation begins. Amen.