Quote: Having trouble changing my basic nature of being a 'fixer.' I'm getting there, but it's taking me way too long. Ugh.
Then get there TODAY.
Today is as good a day as any. Why not!
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Quote: I let my curiosity get the better of me. BTW, I wasn't giving her advice. I asked about OM's GF. I am having trouble reconciling how W is so enamored with someone she just met who is already two-timing her. Doesn't bode well for their future together.
Who the F*ck cares! You ALREADY know she is choosing losers because THEY are the only kind of men that will choose a married woman.
Exactly. Who the f*ck cares. Yes, I already do know that he is a loser. Too bad my W is enamored with that scumbag. Unfortunately, it's not HIS job to keep my W out of an A with him. Sadly, it's hers and she has her head up her backside. Ugh! My so called life.
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Quote: My trouble lies in the fact that I am so gullible when it comes to her. If she is nice, all of my work goes out the window and I put too much creedence in ONE nice interaction.
Not any more. You're done with that starting today.
Gullible was the wrong word. Stupid is better. And yes, NOT any more is right! I AM done with that starting today. My good friend told me today that my A is the PAST. I have atoned for my mistake and have shown an incredible amount of strength, love and patience in dealing with my W and her (mis)treatment of me and our children with her reckless, thoughtless, selfish and rude behavior. My friend is right. You are right. I am right.
Did I make a mistake? Yes. Have I admitted my mistake? Yes. Have I repented? Yes. Have I apologized for my A and atoned for my mistake. Yes, profusely and yes, to the best of my ability.
Am I done paying for my mistake? Yes. It IS the past, and I can't undo it. I've done everything I am able to do to make amends for my A and I can't and won't be a doormat anymore. I'll be a strong, righteous, independent, loving, caring man/father. THAT's enough for me and our children. THAT is good enough period. I wil continue my journey with the Lord to continue working to become that man that God always intended for me to be.
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Quote: Unfortunately, I don't have control over who she decides to bring home and share her bed with. FYI, we haven't even file papers for a D yet, so nothing to tie her hands with with regard to bringing her adulterous behavior around our children. Perhaps THAT is the reason to file the papers alone?
I wonder if filing some kind of document that is not D papers is possible? Separation or other rules saying SHE can't bring men home?? Maybe Amy has an idea or your lawyer can think of something.
I am thinking of calling a lawyer for a 1 hour divorce consultation to discuss this exact issue. I must have SOME way to protect my children from her behavior. Right?
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Quote: Often times I think that I am being more stupid than stong in my sitch. I must work on going silent and detaching. Unfortunately, she works in the same small office as me and types away on MySpace.com in our office and her GFs come in and she talks to them about her escapades within earshot of me. Grrrr.
Isn't MIL her boss? Most companies do not allow personal activities on the net while you're at work. And her 'talking' is incredibly RUDE. You would NOT be out of line if you were to walk over to her and tell her that you would appreciate it if she would not discuss her extra marital activities in your presence. Right in front of her friends.
And, if you are worried about MIL, ask her in advance if she would be offended if you were to do that. You are only demanding RESPECT. Nothing else. She is being an A$$HOLE.
Yes, MIL is my boss. MIL also told me how rude it was that W decided to have her conversation with OM while I was in the same room as her. Of course, W did NOT mention this fact to MIL. I made MIl aware of it and MIL's response was that W's behavior was rude and unaccpetable. Yet, I tread lightly with MIL. W is her beloved daughter. MIL does say she knows W sooo well, but won't say anything to W about W's present behavior. Too afraid that W won't love her anymore, apparently. Same thing with SIL. Those two are the ONLY ones who can talk some sense to W. W may write them off for a short while, but they are family and I truly believe their words would stick with W, she'll get over it in short order and it would shorten this painful sitch for all. IMO, it would show an incredible amount of love to W to speak candidly with her. They won't though. And yes, I am DEMANDING respect in the work place. I will work to create an opening with MIL to broach this subject, again treading ever so lightly.
And I do agree with you, W is behaving like an A$$hHOLE, as much as it pains me to say that about her. At least I have not reached the point where I am comfortable enough and feel justified in calling HER an A$$HOLE! Still sticking with calling the behavior A$$HOLE-ish. Perhaps it's just semantics, but it helps me sleep at night and get through the day. I still love my W.
And yes, I am DEMANDING respect in the work place. I will work to create an opening with MIL to broach this subject, again treading ever so lightly.
