Actually I do take class with the kids and they have sparred and competed in the past. Occasionally that have come up against opponents who thought a little too highly of themselves and did not take kindly to getting beat. What I told them in those situations was to watch the opponent as they come out in the second round, that they will do all they can to tie up the score. So instead they need to double up their attack, put the opponent down and keep them down.
As far as tactics go, a frustrated opponent makes many mistakes as s/he gets desperate. The kid’s training has capitalized on recognizing this, exploiting weaknesses and setting up for the attack and counterattack. That is why they have done so well.
BTW, when planning an attack or pressing to make an opening, thinking IS required. But for all else a better mental framework from which to spar is to NOT think – just instantly react. Sounds like hokey Bruce Lee stuff, but it is very true.
As far relationships go, I was once much lower down in the power balance. I have leveled the field somewhat, at least to the point hat I truly believe W and I have fairly equal voice over the major issues. Climbing out of that hole is a tough chore. To my W it felt like I was completely engulfing and controlling her world. I am sure it triggered some feelings of panic. But that is because she can only feel comfortable when in complete control. A 50/50 split is not a secure position for her, nor is 60/40. Moving to 70/30 may be tolerable.
She has had to undergo some adjustment to live with something closer to 50/50. She still complains about this, but I think she has to realize acknowledge that her fears that I will try to take her share of the assets, take the kids away from her, etc. have not come to fruition. But I also believe that she still does not think the field is level. That is a perception problem on her part. But I have evened the playing field and I have to intention of going back to the old order.
As for the Schnarch quote, I am very familiar with the quote and completely understand its full meaning. I can work on my reactivity, holding onto myself if I believe it will promote the marriage (and again I am not convinced that it will), but I will not go back to the old order.
