I understand your reluctance to give your wife slack and the fear that if you don’t push forward nothing will get done. I know that your kids do TKD and I am unsure if you practice. I’ve done a few martial arts and here are a few things that I have learned from martial arts. “Face the fire” when someone is trying to kick you in the head, turning away is the worst thing you can do. Getting overheated and angry with you opponent gives the advantage to them, they are making you react they are controlling you. Engagement while exercising self-control is a pretty good mental framework to spar from. What would you tell your kids if they constantly lost their cool while sparing?
EDIT let me add a quote here:
"I also call it 'holding on to yourself'," says Schnarch, "and it comprises a four-pronged tool: the art of holding to your values in the face of opposition from your partner; the ability to sooth yourself in the face of hurt and anxiety; to stay non-reactive when you partner is anxious or provocative; and to tolerate pain for growth."
