Something odd happen to that last post... I'll try again.
Martelo,
With all the anger and frustration you have do you think that you would be able to right now this very second engage in passionate open hearted intimate sex with your wife if she was aproached you right now?
I was pretty ticked off the other night. I’m mostly over it now. Perhaps that is a problem in that my FOO has too much of this fighting, then getting over it the next day. At any rate, I’m not wound up right now.
W is another matter. She has a hard time getting past her anger and she is probably still mad. (Last night I parked behind her in the driveway. Usually she is behind me. This apparently ticked her off as she was leaving to work since instead of parking my car on the street, she parked it one house down and up the side street a little, then left the door wide open on the street side. I came out to go to work to find this.)
As far as sex goes, it has never been me who has had a problem pushing for more intimacy. I had that at one time long ago, I remember it, and I would like to get there again. W does not have sexual hangups that I can tell, but she does have problems become open and vulnerable, so she keeps her walls up at all times. This means she does not like to be completely naked in bed (she is self conscious about her belly fat) and does not like to kiss. We can have normal sex and I make do with that.
So I think I could probably manage sex with her right now, but “passionate open hearted intimate sex” is not even on my radar screen at the moment.
What are you willing to confront in yourself what are you willing to change in your life to get what you want?
I’ve confronted within myself everything I can think of to confront. I’ve listened to the counselor and tried to make all the changes she recommended. The only thing I could do more of is to further detach and control the reactivity. But I am not convinced doing so will move the marriage along. It never worked before.
