Cobra, I don't believe anyone is saying you "shouldn't" be getting mad, or that your W's behavior wouldn't drive a saint nuts-- for that matter, so would yours-- the ONLY behavior I'm addressing here is the abandonment of respect that is name-calling.
You can say, "You're unreasonable, you make me furious, I cannot tolerate this behavior, yadda, yadda, yadda..." but you must put a stop to and never again call her a Fcking Btch or the equivalent NO MATTER WHAT SHE CALLS YOU!
You all sound like you don't have one scrap of respect for each other.
I'll say it for the third time: You must maintain some kind of minimal level of civility in your interactions.
Of course, even civilized fights can be very damaging for the kids if they're constant and unrelenting... but first things first.
