I think her statement on “high maintenance” reflects how tiring it makes her to keep engaged in a relationship, in a way that I think most other people find normal. A healthy relationship means a fair amount of daily interaction, bonding, support, etc. Harley recommend 15 hours. I truly believe she has major intimacy issues. She even admitted in counseling once that she has problems getting close to people.
To her being close means being vulnerable. That is not her natural condition. It scares the h*ll out of her. She is quite comfortable behind walls (with exception of the kids of course). To be intimate and therefore vulnerable means she has to push herself to this higher level, and that is a mental drain on her. It tires her out.
When we would get into arguments early in our marriage, she would stay mad for WEEKS. Not talk, not say a word, completely ignore me like I didn’t exist. (BTW, I told her not long ago that I now realize this to be a form of verbal abuse.) But she was comfortable doing this, so it didn’t strain her. During the last few years I have pushed hard during fights to talk things through and not leave until we reached an understanding. This was a HUGE help for us to both feel validated, acknowledge, to better understand each other. And each time we did this, we came out the better for it. But each time it totally exhausted her. There was just too much emotional intensity for her. This is “high maintenance” for her.
