Quote: Some people used 'past grievances' as an excuse to be selfish. An excuse to abuse the W/H in the high moral ground of... you-did-me-wrong!
What happens when time passes? What should happen when the offender has shown remorse, appologized, prostrated themselves? and still... when the offended feels the need to be justified or maybe just vendictive... it is once again arrowed straight at the others heart?
How long is too long? How many accusations are enough? How many times before you get soooo tired that you want to scream to roof off the house?
And some people want to blow by the past because they don't want to acknowledge possible wrong doing, poor behavior, hurtful actions - whatever you want to label them.
We don't know what route Cobra has taken in response to his wife's list of grievances. I can say that IMO, his postings here do not give any indication that he has ever acknowledged that she might have a grievance to be addressed. From what he has posted, his response seems to be that she is deflecting and that it is unjustified anger resonating from her FOO.
That doesn't exactly address the possible grievance.
If they keep bringing it up, how hard is it to say, "yes, I did xyz and I'm sorry that you were hurt by it. My goal is to not do that/say that again. But right now we are dealing with this issue, what can we do to address it?"
I can tell you that my own marriage did not move forward until my husband acknowledged that there were issues from our past that needed to at least be acknowledged. I have tried to acknowledge and apologize and change my past actions that had caused him hurt over the years as well.
The reality is that the past cannot be changed, it can however be used to impact your present in a positive, healing way.
Cobra's response to folks here now and in the past indicate a short trigger and a massive amount of rage, again IMO. If that is his response to folks here who don't have a painful history with him, I imagine that his response with his wife is commensurate with the amount of pain she has inflicted on him.
